Congratulations to Asst. Dean Jason Wu Trujillo ’01 and his wife Lauren on the birth of their baby girl Maria!
Congratulations to 1L Rachel Horvath on her engagement to Chris LeBlanc!
Congratulations to LL.M. Prasan Ulluwishewa for winning the Jefferson Literary and Debating Society’s Moomaw Oratorical Contest!
Thumbs down to the tournament weekend’s weather forecast for getting all three days wrong. ANG will let you meteorologists slide for it not pouring rain all Friday and Saturday. That was okay. But 0 for 3? Really? There’s a Reg Orange joke in there somewhere.
But, thumbs up to everyone responsible for pulling the tournament off under less-than-ideal circumstances. The amount of work you all do never ceases to amaze ANG. But then, neither do microwave ovens.
Thumbs up to the new, enormous “Munchies” snack mixes available in Courts and Commerce. Nothing gets ANG through class like a 99-cent, fourteen-pound bag of mixed Fritos products. And they’re 1260 calories! That’s over 12 calories a cent!! Raising Cane’s, meet your match.
Thumbs down to students who don’t clean the dirt off their shoes before they come inside the school after a softball game. Newsflash, you brats: those are real people who have to clean up after you, and they probably don’t enjoy it. That makes you what normal people call “inconsiderate.” Look it up.
Thumbs up to the Spring Picnic. Darn line took so long that ANG missed the second half of ANG’s seminar! Rats!
Trains on time: Professor Martin has been getting to class late and letting class out late. Also, he has been spotted leisurely drinking coffee, not Diet Pepsi, before getting to class late.
N. Duxbury: [English visiting professor] Why do we let people engage in boxing—a violent and dangerous sport—but not smoke cannabis? Wait . . . that’s not legal here, is it?
J. Gibson: [Referring to nonsensical contract provisions] It’s like they were so concerned with using both belt and suspenders that they forgot that they weren’t wearing any pants.
C. Sprigman: Child molesters are perennial losers in the political process.
T. Nachbar: The word ‘procreation,’ which takes a very long time to write with a quill, did not make it into the Constitution.
Student: I guess I’d question your assumption.
S. Prakash: Let’s assume I’m wrong for a second. Now let’s assume we live in a different world where I’m right.
G. Rutherglen: [in Admiralty] What’s our real concern here?
Student: Pirates?
Student: Can I press you on this issue a little bit?
E. Flippen: If you can do it without offending me, yeah.
K. Kordana: This is why the Polynesians have a higher standard of living: because they practice infanticide—which is great!
B. Cushman: [On the softball tournament] It’s much bigger than when I was a student. We were pikers.
W. Crigler: [To undergrad Trial Ad jurors] This trial will end around halftime of the [NCAA basketball] championship game. It’s not a big problem, because if the game’s a close one, the second half is the half that matters, and if it’s a runaway, well, you’ll all just go home and drink anyways.
D. Martin: [On a casebook he co-authored] There’s an error on page 737. I’m sure you all found it, have a big red circle around it. One of the idiots who wrote this casebook couldn’t catch a simple error.
R. Goluboff: [Jubilantly] Backed you into a corner . . . I feel like Kraus!
T. Nachbar: I don’t have a fundamental right to Fresca.
Students: [silence]
T. Nachbar: You guys know what Fresca is, right?
L. BeVier: You were probably aware of it at the time. How old were you? Two? [Looks at casebook and does math in her head] No, two. That’s okay. Let’s just say you weren’t as aware of it as I was.
K. Sinclair: The DEA says there’s a kind of marijuana called ‘Skunk Special,’ and that this can be distinguished from ‘Orange Bud.’ I think ‘Orange Bud’ just sounds more attractive.
L. BeVier: When you argue in front of the Supreme Court, the opinions might use some of your language, like ‘First Amendment,’ but not much more.
J. Kraus: Maybe on the exam, I could have you rewrite some of these opinions but make them go the other way. Could you do that? I could . . . easily.
W. Crigler: The first rule of being a good trial lawyer is the same as the first rule of going on car trips when you're a kid: don’t drink any water before you start, because we’re not stopping for 150 miles.
P. Lawson: [At 1L career services assembly] Don't worry. Everyone . . . um, well, almost everyone . . . gets a job.
T. Nachbar: I’m a little concerned about Justice Scalia eating into my class time.
K. Kordana: Nursing home people love having a Hobbit around. The duty of loyalty is going to prevent you from reducing his salary or firing him.
M. Klarman: I should probably tell you today that if you say something clever I haven’t thought of yet, I'm going to steal it and put it in my book. And I don’t give attribution, so if you have a clever thought, you might want to keep it to yourself.
