Congratulations to 3L J.D. Moss on his marriage to Becca Bishow!

Thumbs up to the Dandelion Parade. ANG hopes the defending champs—the LL.M.s—bring the thunder. The hilarious, good natured, but still slightly-offensive thunder.

Thumbs up to the start of the softball season. The glory earned on Copley Field lasts forever. By the way, so do the orange stains on your socks.

Thumbs down to 1Ls who have been taking up D3 spots because permits haven’t kicked in yet. ANG doesn’t want to go to jail for hitting you with ANG’s car . . . but seriously what choice are you giving ANG?

Thumbs up to 95 degree heat in September. ANG isn’t sure worries what ANG more, that ANG lost 35 pounds of water weight while playing golf, or that ANG has 35 lbs of water weight to lose.

Thumbs up to the international intrigue that UVA Law has somehow found itself in the middle of. When ANG saw press walking the hallways, ANG was sure someone was finally here to report on the nudie murals. Apparently Taiwanese political scandals are more important than naked Roman people humping trees. Who knew?

Thumbs up to the SBA Activities Fair coinciding with Thursday kegs. ANG makes a lot of bad decisions while drunk. Signing up for the Virginia Rod and Gun club while buzzed was definitely one of them.

Thumbs up to the 1Ls, who just recently turned in their first Legal Research and Writing memo. Welcome to the show, rook. Now let’s see if you can stay here.

Thumbs down to ANG, who, after complaining extensively about the new waitlist system, was able to get into just about every class ANG wanted. ANG guesses ANG will let Dean Bennett out of ANG’s basement now . . . (sigh).

Thumbs down to the lack of faculty quotes, leading ANG to have to fill space on the back page. Profs, is it too much to ask for you to say vaguely funny things so we can take them completely out of context? WTF?

C. Nelson: [The defendant] adopted the prudent financial strategy of poisoning his grandfather before he could be written out of the will.

D. Ortiz: There’s Congress who makes the laws, and the President who enforces the laws, and the courts who . . . what do the courts do? Eh, forget it.

C. Nelson: The jury calculated Mr. Mas’s damages at $5,000 and Mrs. Mas’s damages at $15,000 for the defendant’s looking at them in their bedroom and bathroom using a two-way mirror. I don’t know why they did that; perhaps they were using the rule of $5,000 per private part.”

J. Fischman: [struggling with the projection equipment] I don’t even know how to turn this on here.
D. Leach: [entering the classroom at that moment] Have no fear!

Professors, get back to being funny.

Students, send faculty quotes to editor@lawweekly.org.