Around North Grounds 2/15/17

Thumbs down to the Grammys. The only person that slights Beyonce is nobody. 

Thumbs up to the 9th Circuit. But, to be fair, any normal person with an ounce of political savvy, constitutional knowledge, or basic human decency would have rejected the ban. 

Thumbs up to Valentine’s Day falling on a school night this year so ANG has an excuse to stay home with ANG’s cat instead of eating an overpriced meal with that slightly desperate undergrad ANG matched with on Tinder.  

Thumbs down to the new Fifty Shades Movie. If ANG wanted to be held in suspense ANG would wait for ANG’s grades to come out.

Thumbs up to Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer. Now when does Melissa get to be a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race????

Thumbs up to the photo booth at Barrister’s Ball. ANG had fun crashing random people’s couple pictures. Again, ANG apologizes for the incident in the photo booth with that one couple. ANG had no idea the champagne bottle would explode so easily. 

Thumbs down to Cee-Lo Green for stealing ANG’s Barrister’s Ball outfit for the Grammys. ANG maintains ANG wore it better.

Thumbs up to the law school band for reminding ANG that the early 2000s was a formative time in ANG’s life. Thumbs down to the law school band for giving us that same reminder 5 times in the last year. 

Thumbs down to Journal Tryout season. A piece of friendly advice: if you show up drunk to the journals’ open houses, they will dislike you and want to punish you by inviting you to join the journal. 

Thumbs up to DJT’s friendship with Shinzo Abe. ANG appreciates the value of friendship; ANG just hopes their break up doesn’t result in Trump banning sushi in America. 

Thumbs down to the attempted robbery on Arlington Blvd. ANG thought that Mind’s Eye and Pav fire alarms were supposed to be the only bad things happening on Arlington.

Faculty Quotes 2/15/17

S. Walt: Oh, I’ve run out of time. I feel like a failure.

M. Doran: I do not recognize the Court of Petty Appeals as a court of competent jurisdiction. 

K. Ferzan: That’s what men do. They blow stuff up.

J. Setear: I love The Economist! But I can’t read it because it’s in British.

G.E. White: We must conclude how much this particular cow resembled a deer.

R. Mason: Lets pick a country at random: Switzerland.

A. Choi: It gets a little lonely up [by the faculty offices] after 5PM. I guess people at UVa leave early.

Hear a good Professor Quote? Email editor@lawweekly.org!

Around North Grounds 2/8/17

Thumbs down to the upcoming Journal tryout session. Just a word to the wise: attempting to bribe the Law Review member in charge of journal tryouts will not help you get on a journal. In retrospect, perhaps the lesson is, “Don’t bribe people by offering to perform voodoo on their enemies.”

Thumbs up to Barrister’s Ball not being so close to Valentine’s Day this year. Now ANG can celebrate by being kicked out of Rapture at 1AM for stealing assorted glassware twice in the same week.

Thumbs down to Trump’s reading comprehension. ANG has This Weird Trick That Will Put Bernie in the White House: write the order, put it on the Resolute Desk, and scrawl “—XOXO, Steve” on a Post-It. #riggedelection #sanderscanstillwin

Pour one out for the victims of the Bowling Green Massacre, aka the Bowling Green football team. ANG would like to take a moment to remember the 77-10 blowout Bowling Green suffer at the hands of the Ohio State.

Thumbs sideways to the Bachelor, because we really needed another thin-skinned narcissist to love to hate #Corrine #nospoileralerts #CheesePasta

Thumbs down to Feb Club. ANG hasn’t cleared the dance floor at Trinity so effectively since the post-finals party last semester, where ANG was found dancing with a trash can. Well, not so much dancing, as much as putting ANG’s face inside that trash can.

Thumbs up to Lady Gaga winning the Superbowl. ANG hasn’t seen a mic drop that flagrant since Dean Mahoney bolted out of the last day of 1L Contracts to avoid Section C’s questions. To be fair, ANG hasn’t seen someone pull off a silver body suit since Dean Mahoney, either.

Thumbs down to the “so-called” professor that gave ANG an F last semester. It is ridiculous and it will be over-turned!

Thumbs up to Shelia Fredrick for saving a young girl from human trafficking. ANG would like to remind everyone that not all heros wear capes. ANG also would like to remind everyone that even though ANG may be wearing a cape at Bilt, ANG is not a hero.

Faculty Quotes 2/8/17

 

M. Doran: “This is America and in America if someone does something nice for you, you sue.” 

J. Fore: “Have you seen me in the gym? I can do 16 pull-ups.”

K. Ferzan: “You’re all thinking I’m crazy. I am.”

A. Choi: “Screw a certain class [of shareholders]. ‘Screw’ is a very technical term.”

L. Wenger: “In that case, the religious practice would trump state interest… maybe I shouldn’t use that term anymore.”

M. Collins: “These [bars with topless dancing] are GOOD bars! Well, not good bars, but law abiding!”

Hear a good Professor Quote? Email editor@lawweekly.org!

Faculty Quotes 2/1/2017

 

R. Mason: “Tax is the most important class in law school. Others may disagree; they are wrong.”

R. Verkerke: “My ideal version of a law school class would be kind of like a revival meeting. We would shout “Amen!” … that was a purely secular Amen.”

K. Ferzan: “Let’s assume there’s a state--we’ll call it New Jersey--where there’s a lot of corruption.”

G.E. White: “If someone on the other side of the room says “your mother wears combat boots” and you begin to quake, that’s not the reaction of a reasonable person.”

Hear a good Professor Quote? Email editor@lawweekly.org!

Around North Grounds 2/1/2017

Thumbs up to the Chinese New Year! Roses are red, white is my sock; thank goodness we’re back, in the Year of the Rooster. 

Thumbs down to Barrister’s tickets increasing in price. ANG hasn’t paid this much to drunkenly dance around an ice rink since that unfortunate kid’s birthday party. 

Pour one out for the intern who cowrote the immigration order with Giuliani. What's a good way of spinning “caused a Constitutional crisis in my first week” on a resume?

Thumbs down to the Trumpster Fire that is the first week of Donald Trump’s presidency. Unfortunately, he’s the first president in history to keep his campaign promises. 

Thumbs up to the ACLU fighting back against the Muslim ban. Thanks for putting in more work at the airport than all United Airlines employees combined (but seriously, ACLU, you are keeping this country afloat).

Thumbs up to rogue twitter feeds: AltUSNationalParkService, Rogue NASA, and AltUSForestService. ANG has formed the rogue twitter feed for Dean Goluboff, @RogueRisa.

Congratulations to the new leader of the free world, Angela Merkel!

Thumbs sideways to the new massage chair; on the one hand, that money could probably go to better things, but on the other hand, maybe they got a good bargain? If the Law School has more money to splurge, ANG has lots of ideas. Like armored tanks, or student debt.

Thumbs up to the upcoming SBA elections! ANG loves student democracy almost as much as ANG loves purposefully taking items off the shelves in Harris Teeter and hiding them in the frozen section.

Thumbs down to the Doomsday Clock being pushed forward another thirty seconds. It’s a good thing ANG has a secret bunker under the Law School filled with stale Cheetos, Ukrainian liquor, and a backlog of CoPAs ANG hasn’t read yet.

Faculty Quotes 11/30/2016

J. Johnston: I sat by a guy in shop class in high school who had really long hair. He would take a piece of his hair and make a lasso and catch a fly with it and hold it so that the fly would fly around him in class.

G. White: One thing one ought to do when giving hypotheticals is to make them realistic. Would wolves chase a sleigh? No. Would they want to eat people? No. That’s all I have. 

 J. Dienelt: As you know, this place could have been called the University of Virginia School of Law and Free Food. 

K. Ferzan: Days of Our Lives? Does no one watch soap operas? That’s all I did in law school!

M. Collins: Even if you’re the Supreme Court, you don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t overturn Judge Learned Hand.

Hear a good Professor Quote? Email editor@lawweekly.org!

Around North Grounds 11/30/2016

Thumbs down to 2016. It started with a gorilla and ended with a guerilla. Who would have thought that we would miss 2015?

Thumbs up to the Gilmore Girls revival. If you spoil anything, ANG will hunt you down and perform an action that does not constitute a threat beause ANG’s lawyers have advised ANG not to make threats anymore.

Thumbs down to delays at Dulles Airport. If ANG wanted it to take thirty-six hours to get home, ANG would have channeled Wild and just walked the Appalachian Trail back to Charlottesville.

Thumbs up to the California State Bar for declining to ban attorney-client sex. If ANG were on a state bar association, ANG would ban boring attorney-client sex. Imagine the discipline hearings.

Thumbs down to the 1L who reported Career Services to Above the Law. ANG recommends wine-ing over whining. Also, LOL to 1Ls thinking they know what long emails are. Talk to ANG next year.

Thumbs up to Black Friday and Cyber Monday for merging and creating one big shopping extravaganza. ANG has now spent three years of anticipated firm bonuses on discounted clothing and electronics.

Thumbs sideways to football. Some teams won, some teams lost, life goes on. ANG’s team also won the Youth Football League’s game over the weekend, but no one is talking about that. Mostly because ANG was cut from the team several months ago for “polite disagreements” with the team’s steroid and alcohol ban.

Thumbs up to Thanksgiving break, but thumbs down to December. How dare you.