Around North Grounds 3/15/17

Thumbs up to Trump finally telling the truth: MICROWAVES ARE SPYING ON US. ANG’s microwave was stalking ANG for years before ANG bought a sledgehammer. ANG is happy to lend that sledgehammer to Trump if he needs it.

Thumbs down to the MPRE and the NYLE this weekend. If ANG wanted to fail standardized tests, ANG would have taken the GRE and gotten into Harvard.

Thumbs up to VLBR on getting the most applicants to the journal! How many journal tryouts does the Editorial Board have to grade again? ANG applied to the Journal of Hard Knocks. ANG did not get on.

Thumbs down to Stephen T. Parr. WHY WON’T YOU CANCEL SCHOOL? AND WHY WON’T YOU RETURN ANG’S PHONE CALLS? LOVE MEEEEEEEEE.

Thumbs down to Spring Break. ANG is now resembling Clifford the Big Red Dog: sunburnt bright red, fifty pounds heavier, and last seen drowning ANG’s sorrows in Purina and toilet water.

Thumbs up to the new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, premiering on March 24th. ANG is still waiting for a winner to surpass Sharon Needles’ status. ANG will still be waiting after this season.

Thumbs down to 1L LRW briefs due this week. ANG reminds you that the covers of your briefs MUST be yellow or green. If you use red or blue covers, you will fail LRW and live the rest of your life as Joe Fore’s personal stylist. Actually, that might not be the worst thing in the world. ANG hears Fore moved to the 180K payscale recently.

Thumbs up to the Admitted Students Open House this week. ANG is looking forward for new souls to conscript into grunt work in ANG’s draconian extracurricular activities. Relatedly, journals are looking for new members too!

Congratulations to the happy couple on the Bachelor! Hopefully Nick and Vanessa’s relationship lasts as long as ANG’s longest relationship. Then again, ANG’s longest relationship is with vodka.