PILA Auction Preview
Will Palmer ’21
Staff Editor
The Law School’s annual PILA Auctions are imminent! The Live Auction will take place on Thursday, November 7 from 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. in Caplin Pavilion, hosted by Professors Kimberly Ferzan and Charles Barzun, and the Silent Auction will occur from 9:00 p.m. to midnight at the Omni Charlottesville Hotel on Saturday, November 9.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you all know how an auction works. If you don’t, well, Wikipedia exists for a reason.
Let me tell you, folks, this is your opportunity to experience the class, strategy, and mild inconvenience that goes into a traditional live auction. You can also do it while you’re drunk.[1]
The theme of the auction is…Netflix? It’s going to be tough to make a lame journalistic pun about that one but I’ll give it the old college try. “Auction and chill?” …Nah, that’s weak. Come on, Will, you can come up with a bad pun. It’s your fourth best talent. “PILA and bill” has a good ring to it, but it’s kind of obtuse. I feel like I would need to explain that, like, PILA is billing you. For your purchases at the auction. Doesn’t really work too well for my purposes.
Nuts.
Well, let’s put a pin in the quest for a Netflix pun for now and take a look-see at what’s available at the Live Auction.
Items up for auction include tickets to the Caps/Flyers game in D.C. on February 8, a six-month supply of delectable cookies from Lena’s Loaves, the loveable local loafery, stays at a West Virginia cabin and a western Virginia camp house, and a new piece by Banksy.[2] Unfortunately, I was late with my quarterly bribe to Customs Enforcement, so I ran into some issues with the importation of the reliquaries I intended to auction off, but hey, lesson learned.[3] I’ll Venmo them next time.
A variety of bona fide once-in-a-lifetime experiences are available to bid on as well: An ice cream party with Dean Risa Goluboff and Professor Rich Schragger, a pizza party with Professor Ferzan, a March Madness watch party with the clinic professors, live music offerings by Panic! At the District Court and The Gunners, a basketball game against President Jim Ryan, Professors Andrew Hayashi and Aditya Bamzai, and a portrait-painting session with the esteemed Manal Cheema.[4] Check your emails for the full list, heathens.
I would be remiss to not mention the pies. There are not one but three fantastic opportunities available at the auction for you to pull the classic pie-in-the-face gag on Will McDermott ’22, Dominique Fenton ’21, and/or Justin Aimonetti ’20. If you’ve ever wanted to mash a room-temperature dessert food into a grown man’s face, I guess this is your chance, so go get ’em, champ.
So, this Thursday and Saturday, get dressed to the nines, have yourself a reasonable number of adult beverages, and enjoy a quintessential first-world experience: Spending money on things you don’t really need, then patting yourself on the back because you helped a good cause. Maybe you can even tweet about it.
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wtp7bq@virginia.edu
[1] Just act like you aren’t. Otherwise I’ll get chewed out.
[2] I lied about the Banksy. Obviously.
[3] This is a joke. Do I really seem like the kind of guy who’s late when it comes to managing my reliquary shipments?
[4] Eds.: Seriously, go follow her instagram @mcheezyart and you’ll be bidding top dollar for this.