Sam Pickett ‘21
Listen. We have fun here. But somebody has to keep things serious. When pressing issues arise—like who is going to serve us alcohol every other week and where I’m going to get course packets I may not open—somebody has to step up to the plate. So when I heard about Libel, a supposedly hilarious and fun-filled experience, I knew I had to seriously investigate. I decided to investigate so seriously, in fact, that I auditioned for the show and landed a spot—one that gave me access to undercover sources and the underground world of Libel.
The first thing I talked to my source about was the lack of a theme this year. To be completely honest, I wasn’t aware that these types of things were supposed to have a theme, given that they are already based around law school. But given that prior shows had themes, this still seemed to be a dramatic change. Don’t worry though, my source said that theme “was taken away to the farm” and that it is now “very happy there.” I wonder if it’s the same farm my old dog went to…
Anyway, this source also shared with me a number of the sketches that will be accompanying this year’s show. We have SCOTUS sketches, sketches about drama between 1L sections (imagine West Side Story, but more dramatic), musical numbers, professors playing Dungeons and Dragons in Professor Setear’s basement, and videos starring people ranging from Professor Cohen to the fabulous member of Career Services. But, some even spicier rumors have emerged. Apparently, we are finally going to figure out who ANG is, “To Catch a Predator” style, based off ANG’s activity on the ATL message boards. Dean Dugas is going to open the show with a rousing performance of “Star Spangled Banner” sung in falsetto, and an anxiety-ridden 1L is going to close the show by screeching for four minutes straight. I can’t wait. I can also neither confirm nor deny a report that Lil Sebastian will be there. As in, I actually can’t confirm or deny it because I was hiding in a closet and listening to the directors’ conversations so it could be Lil Sebastian is coming or that there is a song based off of “Under the Sea” by The Little Mermaid’s Sebastian. Either way would be pretty cool though??
Now I know what you’re thinking—with all of these things happening, how long could this last? Well, I’m glad you asked, because I’m so committed to this story that I shut myself in a theater closet (the same one where I heard the Lil Sebastian rumor) and timed it during rehearsals. I’ve now determined that it could either be one hour and five minutes long, or it could be seven hours long. And while I can’t tell you exactly, I can tell you it has to be somewhere in-between those two times. You’re welcome for this insight. If you’re anxious about sitting there that long unmedicated (I’m in the show and I am also anxious) HAVE NO FEAR, THERE WILL BE BEER! So, sit down and listen real quick because this is arguably the most important part of the article. If you get a drinking ticket, you can get two beers before the show and two beers at intermission. According to my sources, 2 + 2 = 4. That means you get FOUR beers for just FIVE dollars extra. That is a DEAL and I should know because I am from the Midwest and therefore very uncomfortable committing to spending money unless it is a DEAL. SORRY for all the CAPS.
But you won’t really even need alcohol, because this show is destined to be great. When I was in my closet, I heard Lin Manuel Miranda watching rehearsals in the audience and crying because he can never be good enough. (You could say his “Shot” wasn’t good enough.) The show has even been nominated for a Tony, which gives K-Don a shot at the much coveted EGOT and the screeching 1L a chance at “Best Original Score.” And, while it’s hard to admit it, this investigative reporter can confirm that Kim Hopkin, John Dao, and Nicole Llinares are ready to deliver a truly excellent show. Even if Lil Sebastian doesn’t show. But to find out, you’ll have to buy a ticket—available from 11:00 a.m.–2:00 p.m. in Hunton Andrews Hallway every school day until March 28.
 I’m really proud of this one. Okay? I am. Screw the haters. This is me. Please keep reading though it gets better.
 Though I’ve heard section S plans to pregame 24 hours before…a true lesson in endurance that would make Big Law blink.
 This is the third time I’ve mentioned being crushed in a closet in one article…I feel like I’m in a stereotypical Disney movie about a kid being crammed in a locker.