Ethan Brown '25
Satire Editor
To all my esteemed regular readers in the Law Weekly: I’m back, baby, and I’ve reached my final form—Satire Editor. Thanks to everyone who has supported me in my long-storied journey to this lofty position atop the bottom of the paper’s colophon. Sadly, my article this week marks a return to one of the rare things I am willing to be sincere about: long-distance running. After reviewing last spring’s Charlottesville Ten-Miler and November’s Philadelphia Marathon, I now felt compelled[1] to summarize my latest race: The Washington, D.C. Rock ‘n Roll Half-Marathon, held Saturday, March 16.
I ran this race two years ago in March 2022. I liked it then just fine, setting aside a terrible hill up to Woodley Park from Rock Creek Parkway at mile five that absolutely decimated my chances at PR-ing. But my boyfriend lives a crisp mile and a half from the starting line, so I figured this was a convenient way to get in a spring race, my prior unpleasant experiences with the hill notwithstanding.
The course is a fun one, especially because I’ve spent a lot of time in D.C. and know some of the neighborhoods we traversed very well. Starting out on the Mall, we made what is basically an almost complete circle around some of the most densely-populated portions of Northeast and Northwest D.C. First, we trudged through Foggy Bottom before making a quick out-and-back jaunt across Memorial Bridge. (While I normally am not one to say anything positive about Arlington, Virginia, I will make an exception here and say that this was probably the first out-and-back I’ve done in a race that I didn’t hate.)
Leaving Arlington behind, we then snaked up Rock Creek Parkway past the far reaches of Georgetown, passing underneath Massachusetts Avenue towards Woodley Park, where sadly, I got to relive my memories of the hill. Then, heading east, we went through Adams Morgan and Columbia Heights before making a straight shot down around Howard University. Heading south, we meandered through Judiciary Square until ending up at the environs around the Capitol Building.
I was a big fan of the course map. Since I’ll be living in Adams Morgan this summer, it was a cute teaser of what’s to come just a few blocks away from my upcoming apartment. I also loved the different finish line; in 2022, we finished much farther away from the Mall, by RFK Stadium. This was both unattractive and inconvenient, especially for the poor saps who lived in Arlington and had to sit on the Orange Line for forty minutes to get home.[2] This time, my commute back to my boyfriend’s place in Woodley Park was comparatively a breeze. Granted, this is in no small part because I no longer live in the godforsaken wasteland that is Arlington, Virginia.[3]
Pictured: Jared Tay '25, Ethan Brown '25, Colby Woodis '25, Nicholas Sheets '25, and Jon Griffith '25 after finishing the race.
Logistics and route aside, the race itself was a blast. We couldn’t have asked for better weather, with it being a crisp fifty degrees under partly cloudy skies. It was also delightful to get to Metro down within a few blocks of the start line because I’ve had a close shave before with last-minute parking snafus that almost made me miss a race. In addition to the great weather and convenient access, I also think that the Rock ‘n’ Roll has upped their course support game from two years ago. There were several water and Gatorade stops, and even a few opportunities to grab energy chews, which felt a little unexpected for a half marathon. I didn’t partake in any of the energy chew stops because I brought my own,[4] but I obviously appreciated the water breaks.
The combo of excellent racing weather and my general love of all things D.C. running made this my fastest half-marathon yet. I wasn’t expecting to PR, but I suspect training for the Philadelphia Marathon last semester did a lot to elevate my baseline running fitness. Granted, by the end, I still simply wanted to perish, as I have at the end of every race I’ve ever run.
I fully expect that my next race review will be of the Marine Corps Marathon this October, which, hilariously, is in Arlington despite my inexplicable criticism of the city in this article. But as I reflect on this race, I forgot how much fun it is to race in your hometown.[5] As someone who is counting down the days until I get to move to D.C. next spring, this was a great reminder of what is hopefully waiting for me after law school.
As a closing note, everyone should totally follow me on Strava because I am very consistent with providing kudos and love that app more than life itself. xoxo.
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cpg9jy@virginia.edu
[1] And when I say I “felt” compelled, I mean that I “was” compelled by new Editor-in-Chief Andrew Allard ’25.
[2] At the time, I was one of said saps.
[3] I joke! I love Ballston just as much as the next Deloitte consultant who loves vests, fishing with his boys, and uploading pictures of said fishing with boys to his Hinge.
[4] Sponsor me, Gu.
[5] Blah, blah, yes. I grew up in Manassas thirty miles away. I’m that annoying person.