Can I Still Ask My Section Mate These Questions After Labor Day?

Where are you from?

 Please, no. Spare each other the boring recitations. The time for that has come and gone. The only person who still wants you to ask them where they’re from is going to tell you every day where they’re from (and yes, they’re from New York).

Where did you go to undergrad?

 Nope. At this point, just assume it was Harvard. They’re not going to be upset unless they went to Yale, and if they went to Yale, they deserve to experience being upset.

What’s your name?

 Absolutely not. We feel for you—a lot of names, a lot of faces. You’re in a tough situation. We recommend trying out a cool nickname for them! (The Virginia Law Weekly is not liable for any offense which may result).

Did you watch the new episode of The Summer I Turned Pretty?

 Yesssss, please don’t ask me about Lucy v. Zehmer. Please ask me about Jeremiah v. Conrad, or at least Me v. The Dollars I’ve Lost to Prime Video Because of Belly. 

Are you a diamond in the rough? Because I want to see you on the softball field!

 Yes? I mean there’s gotta be another way to confirm softball participation, but . . . ? Sure, we see you. Stealing hearts and stealing bases.

Did you start outlining ye—

 *fingers in ears* lalalalalalalalalala, I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

Were you the guy who did the Dirty Dancing lift in Section D’s Dandelion performance?

 Yes, please, someone tell me, who is this man? If you’re reading this, call me.

Guest Contributor — Alexis Pudvan

nrt9un@virginia.edu