Hot Bench: Chris Byer


1. Have you ever had a nickname? What? “Big Chris,” “Big Krit,” “Moose,” “K-Pop King 9000.”

2. How old are you in dog years? 167.88 years old (taking into account that I’m writing this on Sunday, February 19). 

3.  Where did you grow up? I spent most of my childhood in the lovely State of Denial. 

4. What’s the best meal you’ve ever had? I once had an elk steak at a restaurant in Breckenridge, CO called “Ember.” I still dream about it sometimes. 10/10 would recommend. 

5.  If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be? Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

6.  What’s your favorite book? It changes depending on which book I read that day. Currently, it’s “Green Eggs and Ham.”

7.  Cats or Dogs? I feel like most people who know me are expecting me to say “cats,” but I’m very much an animal person. So, similar to that lie parents tell their children, I love them both equally. 

8.  If you were a superhero what would your superpower be? I’d have pockets that would fill with whatever I need. Need cash? Check my pocket. Grappling hook? Check my pocket. Bigger pockets? Check. My. Pockets. 

9.  Are you a good dancer? I won a dance off at Bilt a couple weeks ago, “Step Up 2: The Streets” style… so probably not, but what I lack in skills, I make up for in enthusiasm.

10.  What did you have for breakfast this morning? Eight hundred milligrams of ibuprofen, two tablespoons of Pepto-Bismol, and a large iced coffee (light ice, no cream). 

11.  What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?) I have a tattoo, I once saved a kid from a shark, and one time I ran 42 miles after training for only four weeks. Lie: it wasn’t actually a shark, but have you ever brushed up against seaweed in the ocean? Equally terrifying. 

12.  If you could live anywhere, where would it be? In Beyoncé’s heart. 

13.  Do you sing in the shower? As a general rule, I always sing when I’m naked. So yes, in the shower, at playgrounds, occasionally in SL 294… 

14.  What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? For my birthday last year, I received a kitten calendar starring staged pictures of my cat. 

15.  Do you believe the library should install a water feature? A water feature in a room containing thousands of books? That sounds like a fantastic idea. 

16.  If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be? Who my first wife will be! And why we’d get divorced. 

17. Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC? I can sing every word to the Backstreet Boys “Y2k” album. It’s like a talent, if talents were completely useless. 

18.  What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? I once went an entire period of crim without sleep. I know, it was only 60 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. 

19.  What’s your favorite thing to do in Charlottesville? I like long walks on the beach, volunteering at the local animal shelter, and generally being a good role model for children. Just kidding. I enjoy staring out the library window trying to remember what fresh air smells like.

20.  If you could make one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be? I believe it was Abraham Lincoln who once said, “Use your blinkers.”