Hot Bench: Marissa Varnado ’26

Hey Marissa! Thank you for being willing to be Hot Benched this week.

No problem. Can you tell me what it is?

Did you–Oh, my gosh. Well okay then, first of all thank you for agreeing without knowing what it is. It's just a fun little thing we do in the Law Weekly where we put someone on the Hot Bench and just ask some questions. It's just like a cute little interview!

Okay, perfect.

So, where are you from?

I'm from Columbia, Maryland. Wait. Am I supposed to be funny?

No, you don't– I mean, I think you're naturally funny, but you don't have to be funny. I’m not, and I’m Editor-in-Chief.[1]

Okay cool, I’m relaxed now.

Yes, be relaxed.

I'm actually from Ellicott City, Maryland, I guess technically. It's outside Baltimore.

Oooh, okay. Then wait, where's Columbia? Is Ellicott in Columbia?

They're both in Howard County, but we live one street over from Columbia.

Ahhh gotcha. So what do you think about law school? How’s it been?

Law school has been interesting. I think when I came here, I didn't think it would be like business school. I thought people would be more interested in . . .

Esoterics?

Yeah, I didn't go to a liberal arts school, but I thought maybe the discourse would be more similar to what I thought that was like. And instead, it's kind of like business school.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I love it. I have a lot of fun.

I did hardcore liberal arts and then like, a very silly Master's degree, so I was excited for the trade school vibes. I was tired of sitting in a circle talking about ontology and critical hermeneutics.

You were sociology, right?

Amongst other things. What did you do before? Did you do STEM things?

I went to a school that was not a liberal arts school—I went to Johns Hopkins for international studies and sociology, but the sociology was more like . . .

Heavy duty quant, huh?

Yeah we were doing data.

I had to take one stats class and it almost killed me.

I didn’t think I would have to learn to code, but there I was.

Unrelated, but important. How is your dog?

She's perfect. She's asleep in a sun spot.

Aww! Where are you guys headed after graduation?

I'm clerking for Judge Elizabeth Stong, in the EDNY, so I'll be living in Brooklyn.

That's awesome. That's really exciting.

I'm pumped up. I think it will be really cool.

What's been the best thing about law school?

Softball.

Hell yeah. Did you play softball before coming here?

No, my section mates taught me how when I was a 1L, and then I was like, I'm addicted to this.

Cute!

Yeah. Playing any sports with people here has been very nice. I think I’m saying this because I’m coming off what I think is a meniscus tear—

No!

—from playing basketball last week.

Nooooooo.

So I’m very like, “Wow, those were the days.” But I'm hopeful that I’ll be able to play in the [softball] tournament, I'm not sure.

I'm manifesting it for you.

Thank you.

I don't think that it'll help, but I also don't think it'll harm.

I gotta pay an Etsy witch.

Facts. What's your favorite comfort food?

Thai Cuisine and Noodle House, the Tom Yum lemongrass soup with tofu.

That is a great answer.

Thank you.

Have you had the boat noodle soup there?

No!

It's the best, though they told me it’s not the traditional preparation. But you gotta get it with fresh tofu and extra fried garlic. 

Okay, I'm interested. I was actually looking to switch up my order yesterday and I could not think of a single thing. So this is good to know.

Ok last question. We have a document lying around where folks put down potential Hot Bench questions, and someone just wrote “what’s your favorite law.” And I think that’s really funny. So what’s your favorite law? Or, if you had to be any law, which law would you be?

Okay, hmmmm. If I had to be any law . . . You were in employee benefits with me, right?

No.

Oh, really?

Yeah no, sorry. I've been fucking off my entire law school career.

Well, I was in employee benefits last year and I would—wait, can I be a statute?

Sure! 

I think ERISA is extremely powerful, and it preempts so many things. No one can get around it. But it just governs employee benefit plans.

So it's not harmful, and can't be used against people, I don't think. I’d be ERISA!

That’s a great answer. And kind of an oddly insightful question actually, not as dumb as I thought it would be. Thank you for taking the time to be Hot Benched!

Of course.

[1] Full disclosure I thought to say this hours after the interview and it’s barely a joke and I’m nonetheless including it.