Court of Petty Exchequer: Doe v. Gunner

The Court of Petty Exchequer is the moste high bench of Her Majesty’s Chamber at UVa Law. The Court has the power to effectuate its noble jurisdiction over any conflict, dispute, &c, that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is composed of whichsoever barons the House of Lords so chuses. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to jmg3db@virginia.edu.

Doe v. Gunner

2 C.P.B. 786-790; 14 C. P.Ex. 183 (2017).

Reporter: Archibald McVeigh

Case. The declaration stated that the defendant, before and at the time of committing the grievance thereinafter mentioned, was seized with contagious disease, of great severity, viz., the Spanish-influenza, and at the time of committing of the said grievance, was, and from thence had been, and still was, a student of the College of Law at the University of Virginia at Charlottesville, yet while he was so afflicted of the same disease, aforesaid, wrongfully and unjustly came into the classroom where was the plaintiff, DOE engaged in his studies and, vi et armis, &c., &c., did there wrongfully and injuriously sneeze, cough, and wipe his nose with paper-handkerchiefs which he strewed about him, without regard for the eyes then upon him in that place, or the silence of the classroom, or the space propriate to DOE the plaintiff, or the gross indecency of his conduct, expelling thereby a great quantity of catarrh, spittle, and other matter, all being materia morbis; and producing by his expectorations sights and sounds unseemly and insupportable; during all which time the plaintiff thereby suffered and underwent great pain in the seeing and hearing of it, and was in consequence of these emissions prevented from attending to, or working at the reading of law, and from performing and transacting his other lawful and necessary affairs and business by him to be performed and transacted, and thereby lost great gains which he might and otherwise would, have acquired; to wit, studying for the end-of-term exams and; that the plaintiff, by means of the expulsion of the matter aforesaid was threatened with the transmission of the Spanish-influenza. 

The cause was tried before Ranzini, Ch. J. at the sittings at Albemarle, after St. Chad’s Day Term instant. The facts that appeared in evidence were as follow: The defendant, GUNNER, had displayed increasing signs of malaise beginning from the first of October. By the fifth, he had ceased to nod obsequiously along with the Estates master and begun incessantly to clear his throat instead. By the seventh, he was feverish and drowsy in the afternoon sittings. An Agency professor testified that from this date GUNNER’s mood had become so subdued that he lacked something of “his usual compulsion to get the last word in” and though he yet took every opportunity to quibble pedantically with the professor, he no longer sought out every chance  to obscurely gainsay the other pupils. By the ninth, his offering of prolix hypotheticals had declined to a truly wonderful extent; he seemed at once to have become a regular damp squib. From the tenth, the voice transformed finally from adenoidal to croaking. From the eleventh, it stopped altogether; beside the obtrusive book-stand he invariably carried to his classes a box of paper handkerchiefs now appeared; into these he coughed and sneezed continuously, and filled his pockets with clumps of tissue coated thickly with his own secretions, which, overflowing, piled on the floor by the plaintiff. Red-eyed, shivering, his nostrils raw and philtrum slicked with mucus, the defendant nevertheless continued to appear in classes, racked though he was with grippe. 

On behalf of the defendant was urged a deficiency in the plaintiff’s pleading, stipulating by this motion to the fact of the illness but submitting that its noxious effects extended only to the defendant, the plaintiff’s injury being purely speculative. In alternative it was urged that an affirmation of necessity barred the plaintiff’s case, on the strength of Temperley v. Craunchston Water-Gas, Ltd.  4 Q.P.B. 298. and Ex rel. 14 Unidentified Orphans v. Hounslow Cat-gut Manufactory, Ltd. 4 Q.P.B. 335.; and that the plaintiff, having received no inoculations against Spanish-flu, was so far contributory to the injury of which he complained, as to disentitle him to maintain an action at law.

His Lordship summed up the evidence to the jury, and told them, that, if they thought the defendant was absolutely and manifestly compelled to attend classes then he could not be held responsible for the injury done to the plaintiff; but, that, if he had any alternative, e.g., reading of the Power-Points or class recordings, he was liable. 

To this direction the counsel for the defendant again excepted, inasmuch as the class-rooms maintained always the circulation of the pure air to forestall the arisal of miasma, there could not be said to be a threat of transmission of the Spanish-influenza, it being further urged that the theory of contagionism lately urged in the symposia by Dr. Snow, and on which the plaintiff’s case depended, was but modish, Continental speculation. On the question of necessity it was further submitted, on the strength of Tanner v. Lichfield, 1 Bos. & N.P.R. 404, [Over. Cramsworth v. Fannyston & Hounslow Steam-Aëronautical. Co. (1823) 4 P.Ex 244, 20 L.P.J. Ex. 65.];  that if a reasonable man in the defendant’s position might have been found in class, then the defendant might not be liable. 

Leave was reserved to the defendant to enter a nonsuit, if the Court should be of the opinion that either objection was well founded. 

The jury returned a verdict for the plaintiff, damages 69£, 2s., 11d ½.

Davies, Serjt., in Hilary Term instant, pursuant to the leave reserved to her, obtained a rule nisi to enter a nonsuit, on the grounds urged at the trial. She referred to Mondegreen v. Portmanteau, 55 R.P.R. 319, Quarman v. Burnett Gun-cotton Works, 55 R.R. 717, (6 M. & W. 499), Sugden v. O’Geran, a Lunatic, 1 Jo. & Lat. P.R. 872, Garwood v. Fooks, Jubber, & Butt (8 Beav. P. 183) Ex parte Joliffe, (8 Beav. 168-176), Regina v. Approximately 3500 cwt. Afghan Opium, 1 D.D.F.H. 241 (2 K.M. & El. P. 36); In re the Junk “Wu-Tang”, 1 M.C.A. 1992 (2 R.Z.A., G.Z.A., & O.D.B. 36c).

Davies, Serjt. in support of her rule: The defendant was under a supervening requirement to attend class under any circumstances, the effect in law of which was, that he must, unless absolutely confined to bed, attend his lectures. And so I rest. 

Jani, Serjt. in support of his rule: The defendant was in a condition so offensive as to manifestly exceed the bounds of decency, besides the obvious hazard to others of his vile state; and it is a venerable maxim of the law, that he who comes before the court must come with clean hands. And so in the case of the class-room also. 

Hall, B: It is well shewn, and we do not now deny it tends to annoyance to come into the presence of another with a disease that is communicable, as e.g., consumption, fly-blows, or the gaol-fever. But we cannot thereby say that good claim will always lie thereby. I would have submitted to the jury the instruction urged by the defendant. 

van der Meulen, B: I cannot agree with my brother Baron Hall. Whether viewed from prudence towards the body of the defendant or of the shocking vileness of Gunner’s conduct and its manifest superfluity I am convinced that the court below could have made no error in instructing the jury. And so, &c., I affirm, &c. 

Goldman, C.B.:  I am quite in agreement with my brother Baron van der Meulen; and at the threshold I take notice that the counsellors before us likewise appear most wonderfully poorly to-day. I infer the learned gentlemen have conferred a trifle closely with the defendant. You may stand there, if you please. Were the bar a few paces closer to our bench I should cover my mouth and nose with my periwig.  

We think the rule is, that the case is pled rightly not in case or nuisance, as the plaintiff urges, but in the action for Douche-baggerie; wherein sua sponte, we will construe the action now at bar. It is a rule now long established in our jurisprudence that it is nowise only the most outrageous crimes and torts that deserve the severest measures in their relief; and he who is chafed at the soul by the venial, yet still maddening missteps his brother men may make, will find his relief at the bar of H.M. Courts of Petty Exchequer. True, it was not always so; but if the defendant finds cause to gripe with our verdict he must reflect upon the fate visited upon the egregiously sickly defendant who came before Littleton, C.J. at the sitting of the Court of Pettie Exchequer at Michaelmas Term in the 29th of the reign of Henry II Plantagenet, and sneezed upon the Justice. In the record it is given: And for this, an indictment was immediately drawn against the defendant and his nose was amputated and fixed to a gibbet, on which he was immediately hanged in the presence of the court; and his lands escheat, he being thus adjudged a felon.”

Affirmed. 

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dwr7ed@virginia.edu

Faculty Lunch: Kristin Glover

Lia-Michelle Keane '18
(she/her/hers)
Features Editor

Eleanor Schmalzl
(she/her/hers)
Staff Editor

Originally from Atlanta, Kristin Glover, a research librarian and Harvard University graduate, enrolled at the University of Virginia School of Law after first working in New York City’s affordable housing department and then for a non-profit that specialized in providing services to the city’s homeless population. According to Glover, her time at the non-profit and an interest in housing matters inspired her to ultimately attend law school. At the time, she thought she would return to work in either city government or public service, and in fact, Glover joined New York City’s Corporation Counsel’s Office after graduating. 

Research Librarian Kristin Glover. Photo courtesy of University of Virginia School of Law.

Research Librarian Kristin Glover. Photo courtesy of University of Virginia School of Law.

Glover described her time at the Corporation Counsel’s Office as providing her with a great opportunity to see how cases develop firsthand and emphasized the practical differences between reading about court decisions compared to drafting documents and being involved in the discovery process. Glover said that working with highly experienced individuals was beneficial in helping her grow as an attorney. Although she enjoyed her time at the Corporation Counsel’s Office, when presented with the option to return to UVa Law, Glover found it impossible to turn down the offer. Glover said that the prospect of working for UVa Law’s library was particularly appealing because she had enjoyed research and writing throughout law school—Legal Research and Writing (LRW) was one of her favorite courses—and while she was in practice. 

Returning to UVa Law has been a thoroughly enjoyable experience for Glover, who praises her colleagues and the community at-large for creating a collegial workplace. Glover thinks that the positive environment found at UVa Law may be unique to our school and said that it was one of her favorite parts of being a student and now a faculty member at UVa Law. Specifically, she commended UVa Law professors for their intellect, but emphasized that it is their approachability and kindness that makes them a true pleasure to work with. 

As a research librarian, Glover works with a wide range of individuals on any given day and encounters an array of new issues as a result. In addition to helping professors researching complicated paper topics, Glover also assists students who are working on notes of their own and members of the public with an interest in researching the law. Glover teaches Advanced Legal Research, which builds on the skills that students are typically first exposed to during LRW. The class uses practical methods to help students become more familiar with databases such as Westlaw and LexisNexis before they head into practice. Glover asks all her students to select a an issue in the news that they are interested in and to track related developments throughout the semester. Glover said that one of her favorite parts about teaching is discovering the wide range of interests that her students hold and watching them grow increasingly confident in their research abilities over time.  

When asked if she has any advice to share with students, Glover suggested that they should begin thinking early on about the importance of work-life balance. Specifically, she recommended that students should try to develop a commitment to things that they can enjoy outside of work—things that will allow them to clear their heads when they start feeling overwhelmed. As we head into finals season, this advice seems particularly prudent, especially for 1Ls who may already be feeling anxious and worn down from late nights spent briefing the cases in their Civil Procedure textbooks. 

In her spare time, Glover enjoys hiking, yoga, and describes herself as an avid walker. Glover said that one of her favorite parts of living in Charlottesville is being able to walk from the Downtown Mall to the countryside and watching the scenery change along the way. She loves poetry, though denies having a single favorite author. Still, Glover cited Emily Dickinson and Gwendolyn Brooks as being two of her mainstay favorites. When asked what her favorite restaurant is in Charlottesville, Glover enthusiastically responded that Tavola, an Italian restaurant located in the Belmont neighborhood, is a fabulous option and recommended everything on the menu from the bruschetta to the more complex seafood dishes. Finally, Glover recommends taking the time to check out the Virginia Film Festival, which will be held in town November 9–12. Glover indicated that attending the Film Festival is a highlight for her each year and noted that it presents students with a fun opportunity to see select movies before they enter wide release. 

We thoroughly enjoyed meeting with Glover and encourage students to stop and say hello when they see her around the library! 

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lk3da@virginia.edu

mes5hf@virginia.edu

Spotlight 11/8/17

The Law Weekly reached out to affinity group leaders to write for us in a feature we are calling “Spotlight.” Our goal is to give leaders a regular platform to start conversations about issues they are facing, to reflect on the events of August 11th and 12th, and to educate the UVa Law community about their diverse experiences so that we can become better allies to our fellow classmates.   

If you or your organization would like to be featured, please reach out to us at editor@lawweekly.org.

Minority Rights Coalition

Puerto Rican resident wades through flooded street after Hurricane Maria. Photo courtesy of Hector Retamal/AFP/Getty Images.

Puerto Rican resident wades through flooded street after Hurricane Maria. Photo courtesy of Hector Retamal/AFP/Getty Images.

In the Trump Era, the news happens so quickly that it can be easy to lose sight of what really matters. Consider, for instance, what has occupied our attention since Hurricane Maria made landfall in the Caribbean little more than a month ago. 

President Trump criticized NFL players protesting police brutality by calling them SOBs; LeBron James responded by calling him a bum. Trump threatened to destroy North Korea. The Secretary of Health and Human Services, Tom Price, resigned in disgrace due to his abuse of taxpayer funds. The president openly feuded on Twitter with the Mayor of San Juan. The Las Vegas shooting happened. President Trump announced plans to de-certify the Iran Deal, gut the Clean Power Plan, and squash the birth control mandate. Senator Bob Corker called the White House an adult daycare, prompting angry tweets from the president. The White House announced it would not fund essential insurance subsidies, seriously damaging Obamacare. The President and his staff embroiled themselves in a week-long controversy over the death of an American soldier in Niger. Senator Corker and President Trump continued their feud. UVa Law Alum Robert Mueller readied his first indictments.1 

Take a deep breath. Reading that list can be overwhelming. It’s hard to know what to focus on and what to tune out in the bad reality show that is America 2017. The Minority Rights Coalition at UVa Law would like to suggest that you should focus your attention, your energy, and your outrage not on the president’s latest tweet or embarrassing blunder, but on the ongoing humanitarian crisis in Puerto Rico. 

Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico, causing apocalyptic damage.2 More than a month later, the island remains in rough shape. Seventy-five percent of Puerto Rico lacks reliable electricity and access to clean water looks to be patchy, at best.3 FEMA had to continue delivering food and running water four weeks after the hurricane, a first in the agency’s history.4 

We may never know how many of our fellow Americans died as a result of this storm because the overwhelmed Puerto Rican government has allowed funeral directors to burn bodies without counting them in the death toll.5 As a result, many observers are concerned that the death toll could be far higher than reported.6 In raw numbers, the storm could cost Puerto Rico up to $95 billion.7 It may set the island back decades. 

The response to Hurricane Maria and Puerto Rico’s devastation differed markedly from the response to Hurricane Harvey hitting Texas and Hurricane Irma sweeping through Florida. FEMA responded more slowly and with fewer personnel for Maria than it did for Harvey and Irma.8 Private donations for Harvey, especially, far outpaced similar efforts for Maria.9 And, of course, the President of the United States did not attack the Mayor of Houston on Twitter, or question whether Texans deserved aid after tragedy struck. Trump’s apathy reflects that of his supporters, like the Trump voters in Houston who received aid after Harvey but do not believe Puerto Ricans deserve the same helping hand.10 

Indifference—or outright hostility—to Puerto Rico in other areas has infected the response to Maria. An old shipping regulation called the Jones Act, for instance, has been driving up the cost of living unnecessarily in Puerto Rico for decades.11 After public outcry, the Trump administration waived the regulation after Maria, so supplies could get to the island cheaply. The Trump administration, out of incompetence or outright malice, recently let that waiver expire.12 Concerns about corruption involving a $300 million rebuilding contract caused a firestorm before the contract was cancelled over the weekend.13

This column does not have the word count to dive into the shadow of colonialism displayed through PROMESA and the Puerto Rican debt crisis,14 or the appalling behavior of Puerto Rico’s creditors since Maria hit the island,15 or the potential for Puerto Ricans to reshape the electoral map of Florida (and the country) in 2020.16  Instead, the members of the Minority Rights Coalition ask our friends and classmates to do three things. 

First, give (or continue to give to) relief efforts in Puerto Rico. The link in the footnote below is a good place to start.17

Second, tune out the noise. It’s all too easy to get distracted by the latest uproar in the ongoing Trump reality show. Focus your attention—and your time and talent—on the injustices that really animate you, whether that’s tabling for Puerto Rico or protesting against police brutality. 

Finally, stay involved in politics. Puerto Ricans deserve both statehood and effective representation in Congress.18 Until then, it is our obligation to vote, and vote often, until the administration can no longer afford to be apathetic. 

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wch4xs@virginia.edu

1 This timeline constructed from my own memory and this helpful piece from AOL: https://www.aol.com/news/trump-timeline/. 

2 http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/25/us/hurricane-maria-puerto-rico/index.html

3 https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/10/25/16504870/puerto-rico-running-water

4 Citing a tweet from https://twitter.com/DavidBegnaud in https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/10/25/16504870/puerto-rico-running-water

5 https://www.buzzfeed.com/nidhiprakash/puerto-rico-cremations?utm_term=.dlAo0yB1nN#.xkVGypO5M8

6 https://www.buzzfeed.com/nidhiprakash/puerto-rico-natural-causes?utm_term=.owqBabJK16#.aoEKNzdw7y

7 http://money.cnn.com/2017/09/28/news/economy/puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-damage-estimate/index.html

8 http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/26/us/response-harvey-irma-maria/index.html

9 http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/26/us/response-harvey-irma-maria/index.html

10 https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/many-trump-voters-who-got-hurricane-relief-in-texas-arent-sure-puerto-ricans-should/2017/10/20/32da835c-b344-11e7-9e58-e6288544af98_story.html?utm_term=.182f82e5458b

11 https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/9/27/16373484/jones-act-puerto-rico

12 http://thehill.com/latino/354561-white-house-lets-jones-act-waiver-expire-for-puerto-rico

13 http://abcnews.go.com/US/puerto-ricos-governor-whitefish-power-agreement/story?id=50795922&cid=clicksource_4380645_2_three_posts_card_hed

14 https://newrepublic.com/article/132307/colonizing-puerto-rico

15 https://theintercept.com/2017/09/27/puerto-rican-debt-holders-respond-to-catastrophic-hurricane-by-offering-puerto-rico-more-debt/

16 https://www.politico.com/states/florida/story/2017/09/27/puerto-rican-devastation-could-mean-more-florida-voters-114762

17 http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-help-puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-2017-9/#the-united-funds-of-puerto-rico-1

18 This proposition has overwhelming support in Puerto Rico, but Congress has yet to act. http://www.cnn.com/2017/06/09/us/puerto-rico-statehood-vote-2017/index.html

Hot Bench: Eli Mekonen ‘20

Eli Mekonen ‘20
(he/him/his) 

1.  What is your favorite word? 

It’s a tie between behoove and poltergeist.

2.    Where did you grow up?

I split my childhood and teenage years between Chicago and the D.C. area. Chicago definitely feels more like “home,” though. I go back at least once a year and I hope to start my legal career there.

3.  What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?

Anything at Sweetwater Tavern in Centreville, VA. The white chocolate bread pudding is so good. Sometimes, I tear up when I eat it.

4.  If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why?

Paul Tudor Jones. He’s pretty knowledgeable on the subjects of asset management and poverty alleviation- coincidentally two things I would like to learn more about. I could probably gain some invaluable insight hanging around a person like him. Also, I hear he went to a cool undergrad.

5.  If you had to pick one song to play non-stop in the background of your life, what would it be?  

Gilderoy Lockhart by Ehiorobo. 

6.  If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?

The ability to never get tired or hungry. Eating and sleeping are massive time sinks. The average person spends over 260,000 hours eating and sleeping. By comparison, it only takes about 2,000 hours of practice to become fluent in another language, and less than 62,000 hours to visit every country in the world.

7.  What did you have for breakfast this morning?

A banana, croissant, and a cup of coffee. My normal breakfast, plus a banana and a croissant.

8.  What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?)

I met Jesse Jackson, Chance the Rapper, and Kanye West all in Chicago.

Kanye was the lie. I met Jesse Jackson in a small Chicago airport and went to elementary and middle school with Chance the Rapper.

9.  What’s the best (or worst!) PG-rated pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

“You dropped something …..” *Waits for person to look down.* “My jaw.” I’ve actually used this line with some success but I think the girls who talked to me after just felt bad for me.

10.  What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

1 round trip ticket to any city in the continental U.S. after graduating from college (I chose Seattle).

11.  If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?

Whether I will be a practicing attorney long-term or change careers.

12.  Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC?

*NSYNC, and it isn’t really close. No Strings Attached and Celebrity are incredible albums. The Backstreet Boys never matched *NSYNC’s star power or penchant for making outright bangers.

13.  What’s your favoritething to do in Charlottesville?

Eat apple pie with vanilla ice cream at Carter’s Mountain Orchard.

14.  If you could make one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

Mandatory (and free) courses in civics, consumer economics, and sociology.

 

Court of Petty Appeals: Best-of Edition

The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is comprised of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to jmg3db@virginia.edu.

In accordance with this Court’s decision in Anonymous (Whiny) 3L v. Court of Petty Appeals and Justices Thereof, in their Official Capacity, but Especially Chief Justice Goldman and Justice VanderMeulen, 18 U.Va 642 (2017), the Court orders reproduction of its opinion in Coleman v. HungryMan, 14 U.Va 114 (2016) as part of its “Best of the Court of Petty Appeals”  series. The Court trusts the law school community will find this opinion relevant and timely.

Coleman v. HungryMan

14 U.Va 114

GOLDMAN, J., presents the opinion of the Court and is joined by WALLACE, ANGELOTTI, and PICKUS, JJ.

This appeal presents a question of common decency; how much food is appropriate to take at Law School events when there is clearly not enough for everyone in attendance? After considering the arguments of both parties, the esteemed Court created a reasonably hungry person scrutiny, with the standard of review “Don’t be a Jerk.” As always, the Court reviews the case de novo and, based on careful consideration of the facts, we reverse. 

The facts in this case are as follows: petitioner was looking forward to “Sticks” at the latest Law and Prison Project event, and arrived five minutes before the event started after Professor Duffy letting people out late from Admin. (We refer Professor Duffy to our prior decisions decrying this activity, but here the point is moot). Due to the popularity of the event, by the time the petitioner made it to the front of the line, to her horror, there were no vegetarian kabobs and she was begrudgingly left to eat only rice. Respondent, a student who also attended the event, ended up taking more than what petitioner calls “his fair share” of Sticks. Respondent replies that petitioner assumed the risk by not arriving to an event with Sticks more than five minutes before the start. 

Trial Judge Ranzini found in favor of the respondent. Drawing from his own experience, he stands firmly in the “You snooze, you lose” camp. We believe this rule is too hard and fast and fails to accommodate externalities such as professor tangents, bottlenecks in the halls, or general stampedes. “Move out of my way, that last chicken biscuit is mine!” Kaplan Bar Prep v. Hall 4 U.Va. 36 (2015).

Though this Court acknowledges that a lower court may find contributory negligence on Petitioner’s part (we don’t really care about damages), the underlying issue this Court will decide is more pressing; it is one of courtesy, of survival really, in the perils and the hunt for free lunch at the Law School. 

In Students for the Equitable Distribution of Free Law School Lunch’s amicus brief, they cite the tremendous cost of catering Sticks. “The name of the restaurant ‘Sticks’ is a misnomer; truly the name of the restaurant should be ‘Stick,’ which is more indicative of the suggested portion size.” This Court finds their argument compelling, though a second kabob may be allowable half-way through the event when it is reasonably apparent that everyone in attendance has had the opportunity to get a plate.

As a matter of public policy, it is widely known that Sticks-catered events draw large crowds, often for no other reason than because Sticks is being served. See generally every Lexis Training. If this behavior is allowed to continue, then Sticks will no longer act as a carrot to lure unsuspecting, hungry students to events that provide students with a mastery of the intricacies of tax reform, or something equally as dull. 

The opinion of this Court is to determine in good faith how much food you should take by considering the number of hungry people behind you in line. You do not need to pile up your plate when the organization hosting the event clearly misjudged the amount of food they needed to order. Make like a reasonably prudent person and stop by Student Affairs for some Chex Mix if you’re still hungry. We hereby adopt the rule “Don’t be a jerk” when it applies to free food at events. 

The Court remands to find equitable damages for Ms. Coleman and reminds UVa law students that sometimes it is appropriate to abandon their collegiality when fellow students act against the common interest. This Court is not going to encourage vigilantism during events serving Sticks, but we do not discourage it.

The dissent will have us judge based on archaic overgeneralizations about the amount of food needed by size. We do not know what kind of day the petitioner has had, we don’t know whether she had breakfast that morning, and we are not in the business of determining how much hummus is appropriate to satisfy Ms. Coleman.  

ANGELOTTI, J., concurring

I join fully with the majority. I just wanted to say that sometimes even small people are hungry and if we don’t get enough food we get hangry. (hangry: adj., angry because you’re hungry). See Black’s Law Dictionary. But I don’t like Sticks much so idk. 

HADEN, C.J., concurring just a little but dissenting a lot.

While I applaud the majority for its Disney-esque “happily-ever-after” conclusion, I find myself unable to join the decision due to its many conflicts with our jurisprudence. Therefore, I content myself to respectfully dissent.

The first issue appears to be the adoption of what the majority calls a standard of review, entitled “Don’t be a jerk.” What the majority should call this is its real name: a dull-edged and therefore useless standard. Our jurisprudence has repeatedly marked the need for clear rules as opposed to strange and amorphous standards; “Don’t be a jerk” can only fall into the latter category without supplemental guidance for what constitutes jerkiness. 

I concur with the remand for damages. However, I would also want to make more clear that contributory negligence is a bar for recovery under the tort of negligence. We have long held that contributory negligence is one of the few things that we have adopted from the state of Virginia. Cf. other Virginia policies that we have refused to adopt: bans on interracial marriage, the concept of coverture, etc. If petitioner can prove, however, that her lateness was due to the illegal (administrative?) action of Professor Duffy, then she shall not be contributorily negligent.

However, I dissent also because I believe that the standard of “don’t be a jerk” is inappropriately applied to the facts of this case. To me, equalizing food for everyone is not fundamentally fair if people of different sizes have different appetites to satisfy. I am intrigued by the amicus brief filed by FedSoc, who claimed that “vegetarianism is a choice,” citing their own administrative adjudication of Fed Soc v. Vegetarian. While I am not convinced by that fact specifically, I am convinced that equal distribution of food is not a fair division. Plus, sometimes I need more than one Stick. It’s called Sticks, for goodness’ sake. I assume that other similarly sized people may feel a hunger for more food than those like the petite petitioner.

I applaud our most junior Justice for completing her first case (yay Jenna), but I find its conclusion and reasoning to be an unwelcome departure from what I feel is well-settled precedent. The opinion is well-written, humorous, but ultimately incorrect; therefore, I must dissent.

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jmg3db@virginia.edu

 

Hot Bench: Phoebe Willis '18

Phoebe Willis '18
(she/her/hers)

1.  Have you ever had a nickname? 

What? Pheebs (even my parents call me that)

2.  What is your favorite word? 

Why

3.  Where did you grow up? 

Fredericksburg, Va.

4.  What’s the best meal you’ve ever had? 

Any Black Tap Milkshake (I have a huge sweet tooth and love to eat dessert as a meal).

5.  If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why? 

Angie Mar—my fiancée is a huge foodie and we go to the Beatrice Inn for her birthday every year. I would want to meet Angie to ask her if she would give me cooking lessons.

6.  If you owned a sports team, what/who would be the mascot? 

The Notorious RBGs because Ruth Bader Ginsburg is indestructible.

7.  If you had to pick one song to play non-stop in the background of your life, what would it be? 

A mash-up of “Thunder” by Imagine Dragons and “Rise Up” by Andra Day. 

8.  If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? 

Flying. I hate driving and sitting in traffic (I’m often in a rush). It would be really cool to just zip around.

9.  What’s something you wish you’d known about law school before coming to UVa? 

Don’t buy any highlighters or water bottles—there are so many free ones here!

10.  What did you have for breakfast this morning? 

Eggs, bacon, and a biscuit because my fiancée cooked. I only see her on the weekends, so during the week I typically eat a banana.

11.  What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?)

I once fractured my left foot in eleven places

I accepted a job as an investment banker at Goldman Sachs (lie, I turned it down)

I’ve gotten five stitches on my face without anesthesia 

12.  If you could live anywhere, where would it be? 

Hawaii

13.  What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? 

A pogo stick when I was ten, I bounced around on that thing for hours. I had some crazy record of over 1,000 bounces in a row without falling off.

14.  If the Law School had yearbook awards, what would you want to win? 

Most likely not to be a lawyer in ten years.

15.  If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be? 

Will I ever get a Sleep Number mattress? 

16.  Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC? 

I was more into strong female vocalists during the 90s—Britney, Missy Elliot, TLC, Christina, P!nk

19.  What’s your favorite thing to do in Charlottesville? 

Charlottesville Farmers’ Market on a Saturday morning.

20.  If you could make one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be? 

For every complaint, a person also has to propose at least one solution. 

 

Spotlight 11/1/17

The Law Weekly reached out to affinity group leaders to write for us in a feature we are calling “Spotlight.” Our goal is to give leaders a regular platform to start conversations about issues they are facing, to reflect on the events of August 11th and 12th, and to educate the UVa Law community about their diverse experiences so that we can become better allies to our fellow classmates. If you or your organization would like to be featured, please reach out to us at editor@lawweekly.org.

Elyse Moy '18
(she/her/hers)
President of Women of Color

The term “women of color” is often defined in the negative to describe all women who are not “white.” But this definition, despite its seeming broadness, is inadequate. It does not capture those who are white-passing but do not identify as such. And trying to define this term in the positive raises even more challenges. In the discourse of race, gender, and ethnicity, “women of color” carries several different definitions. For some, only certain Asians are included in this umbrella category. Meanwhile, the U.S. Census Bureau considers “Hispanic” an ethnicity, not a race. In each of these cases, these distinctions are imposed upon individuals. They are based upon an outsider’s perception of identity, ignoring the lived experiences of those who are so labeled. For those who do not fit within the white-black, male-female binaries, and for those whose identity is not readily apparent, such mislabeling can have detrimental effects on one’s self-perception and on establishing truly intersectional solidarity.

Photo courtesy of Women of Color.

Photo courtesy of Women of Color.

Intersectionality is a similarly important concept that is hard to define. In short, intersectionality recognizes that people hold multiple identities. It recognizes that one cannot examine gender in a vacuum—one must also account for aspects such as race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, and much more. It also draws attention to how detrimental monolithic perceptions of identity can be. Our laws and discourse often only address one aspect of identity, while overlooking the overlapping of identities. In doing so, we fail to properly address the reality of discrimination, which operates across gender, racial, and class lines, and with disproportionate force. This oversight allows systemic injustice and inequality to persist. 

One way in which we hope to dismantle systemic injustice is through solidarity. Too often, the burdens of oppression and the responsibility for education falls on the shoulders of Black and Brown America. It is time for allies—male, female, and gender nonbinary; white allies and allies of color—to step up in solidarity. Women of Color seeks to provide one such platform for diverse students of UVa Law to come together and speak out against inequality; however, we should also recognize that solidarity does not necessarily ensure unanimity. Sharing one or even several aspects of our identity does not mean that we share the same experiences, the same values, or the same goals. Intersectionality is one tool to highlight and celebrate the differences among us in a productive manner, and solidarity requires constant negotiation of these differences.

In these ways, the intersectionality of our organization is both our challenge and our strength. Again, it is difficult to define exactly what Women of Color is because of our diversity of identities and values. But it is also our strength because we represent a multitude of viewpoints and thus can highlight many different issues. 

When Women of Color was revived two years ago by Dana Wallace, she was not sure if there would be enough interest in the organization to keep it going, but her hope for the organization was that it could be as vibrant and strong as it once was. She envisioned creating a supportive space in which women of color could express themselves. She sought to connect students to the resources they needed to do so. After Wallace graduated, we passed the helm to Jasmine Esmailbegui, and continued to work towards achieving that goal. Today, Women of Color is composed of approximately 100 women and men of various backgrounds and races.

As a relatively new organization, Women of Color has focused on growth, visibility, and accessibility. Women of Color tries to plan and get involved in as many events and projects as possible, so that people know a supportive community exists at the Law School and that there is an outlet where people can highlight issues important to them. Women of Color has worked to promote the equality of all women by highlighting the unique struggles faced by women of color. To do so, we have hosted guest speakers who discussed how our criminal justice system and public health systems disproportionately underserve women of color. We hosted law firms and public interest lawyers who could speak to the specific experiences women of color face in the workplace; and we hosted several social events for our members to meet each other and other affinity groups. For example, after 9/11, Women of Color held a discussion series that sought to educate the public about Muslim communities and dispel harmful misunderstandings. And just last year, we hosted a panel that examined the struggles women of color faced in prison and reentry.

Our Constitution holds that the purpose of Women of Color is:

[t]o provide support to the diverse population of women at the law school; to promote the welfare of its members through educational, professional, cultural, and social programs; and to provide a forum for the discussion of issues affecting women of color in the law school and the University community as a whole. 

As evidenced by this broad language, Women of Color aims to be an inclusive organization. Regardless of your true pronoun or gender identity, we encourage all those who support the goals and values of Women of Color to join. I am hesitant to further define “Women of Color” and thus unilaterally impose an identity upon our organization. Instead, recognizing that identity is an intensely personal inquiry, I hope to empower students to reclaim it for themselves. I reiterate that Women of Color exists primarily to unite and to serve the students at UVa Law. We hope to amplify the voices of our members and to provide a community through which students can express themselves. And we hope to provide a space through which students questioning their identities and their role in activism can explore how they can better serve their communities. As the students and society changes, so too I hope Women of Color will evolve to address their needs. 

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eam8cf@virginia.edu

This Month in SBA

Toccara Nelson '19
(she/her/hers)
SBA Secretary

Hello!

Welcome to the new monthly SBA article. We’ve decided to do something a little bit different this year. Instead of using this article to conduct a general discussion of what’s going on at the SBA, we want to use this forum to address student concerns shared in our suggestion box. The box is located in Scott Commons right next to one of the student mailrooms. Students can provide their concerns or suggestions anonymously or share their identity if interested in a direct follow-up response from the SBA.

We encourage students to share their suggestions or concerns through our suggestion box initiative. Members of our student community have amazing ideas and significant concerns about improving the law school’s programming, culture of diversity and inclusion, professional resources, and more. We hope to implement these student ideas at a higher rate through this initiative in order to improve UVA Law’s environment for students.

The SBA hopes that our Unity Social on Thursday, October 26 will be a start in facilitating a better atmosphere of learning for students. The SBA’s socials generally have a goal of bringing students together; however, this Thursday’s social has a special emphasis on promoting unity and supporting marginalized students at the law school. The goal is for all members of our community to come together in the spirit of openness and change, and to take responsibility for the environment on our campus.

While the SBA hopes the social will open doors for students of all backgrounds to engage with each other, we recognize that this event can only be a starting point for ongoing change. The SBA recognizes that this event cannot stand alone in promoting inclusion and hopes to continue implementing programming in the future to foster a positive environment. Furthermore, the SBA would like to recognize that there has been an undue burden placed on marginalized members of our community to make their own space at UVA Law. We want to encourage students of all backgrounds to take responsibility for promoting an inclusive environment in our community by attending the programming that is provided by the huge variety of diverse student groups at UVa Law. We hope that the Unity Social can be but one step in this ongoing effort.

The SBA is committing itself to increasing programming that supports marginalized students and to creating an environment in which all students feel comfortable and empowered at UVa Law. The SBA would also like to encourage all members of our community to step up and combat prejudice and bias at the law school and beyond. The SBA plans to organize meetings with student representatives from all organizations during the spring semester to promote a better environment for diverse students within UVa Law. Again, these initiatives are just starting points in improving our campus community so that all students, not just those who are from non-marginalized communities, are placed in the best position to succeed at UVa Law. We encourage students to offer feedback and suggestions regarding how SBA can further promote inclusion at our school.

Please let us know if you have any questions or concerns about our future initiatives through our suggestion box, or email sbasecretary@virginia.edu or sbapresident@virginia.edu. Thank you!

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tmn2aa@virginia.edu

Hot Bench: Hannah Fraher '19

1.  Have you ever had a nickname? What?

Hannah Banana, and unfortunately, Hannah Montana. 

2.  What is your favorite word? 

Sad! (used facetiously and sarcastically) 

3.  Where did you grow up?

Tampa, Florida. The best (and craziest) state in the Union.

4.  What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?

My favorite meal of all time consists of fried chicken, baked beans, corn on the cob, biscuits, and potato salad. 

5.  If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why?

Condoleezza Rice. She is my idol in so many ways and I would be honored to even just shake her hand. 

6.  If you owned a sports team, what/who would be the mascot? 

My cat Al, because he is the best (and cutest) thing on this earth. You can follow him on Instagram at Manx_the_Cat.

7.  If you had to pick one song to play non-stop in the background of your life, what would it be?  

Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off.” 

8.  If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?

The ability to stop time when I sleep so I don’t end up wasting my whole afternoon with my four-hour ~naps~. 

9.  What’s something you wish you’d known about law school before coming to UVA?

How important softball is. I could have stocked up on cute knee-high socks before getting here. 

10.  What did you have for breakfast this morning?

I’m addicted to Special K Red Berries cereal. I have a bowl every morning for breakfast, and sometimes a second one for dinner. 

11.  What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?)

I had purple hair. 

I’ve run a 5k.

I once got locked in a porta-potty.  

Lie: I’ve run a 5k. I don’t run. At all.

12.  If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

If Florida had everything I want and need in life I would happily spend my entire life there, but unfortunately it does not. I plan to live in D.C. after law school, which will be a great adventure. 

13.  What’s the best (or worst!) PG-rated pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

The best pickup line is classic and simple—”Can I buy you a drink?” 

14.  What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

I can’t think of just one, because it’s the little things that people do for no special reason that are the greatest gifts.

15.  If the Law School had yearbook awards, what would you want to win? 

Most likely to be that annoying person who posts too much in the class Facebook group. 

16.  If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?

What job I will have this summer. While the nOGI life was fun, it is a bit stressful not to have even applied for a position yet.

17.  Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC?

It’s tearing up my heart that I have to pick just one! I almost cried when *NSYNC reunited and performed at the VMAs so I guess I’ll have to betray half of my heart and pick them. 

18.  What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep and why?

I once went on a three-day no-sleep bender which was fueled by copious amounts of coffee and the unfortunate pressure of having to write an entire research paper right before it was due. *Note to my law school professors: I swear this wasn’t for any of your classes.* 

19.  What’s your favorite thing to do in Charlottesville?

I have gone to twenty-two of the thirty-three wineries on the Monticello Wine Trail in the fourteen months I’ve lived here. I think that speaks for itself. #30in3

20.  If you could make one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

I’m a fan of less regulation in general, so instead of making a new law, I would require that everyone has to follow the current law that the left lane of a highway is for passing, not traveling, and would impose steep fines for people who don’t follow it.

Court of Petty Appeals: UVa Law Students v. Anonymous Inconsiderate Parker

The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is comprised of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to jmg3db@virginia.edu.

UVa Law Students v. Anonymous Inconsiderate Parker, 

697 U.Va. 150 (2017)

HOPKIN, J. announced the opinion of a unanimous Court. 

Dumbass parks his priceless Honda Accord to protect its resale valuePhoto courtesy of Kim Hopkin.

Dumbass parks his priceless Honda Accord to protect its resale value
Photo courtesy of Kim Hopkin.

Today’s opinion considers appropriate remedies against a certain, anonymous1 D3 parker (hereinafter referred to as “Inconsiderate”) who insists on double parking every day. Adhering to the Goluboff Suggestion, the Court notes it has jurisdiction because the plaintiffs and defendant are law students, and the area is adjacent to the Law School. As much as the Court would like to see criminal charges brought against this delinquent,2 the case before us is a civil suit arising out of the tort of intentional irritation. While this tort is related to the intentional infliction of emotional distress (IIED), it does not involve a horse or a “weak female fainting,” making IIED unavailable for plaintiffs.3 Instead, the tort at issue here is intentional irritation, which is whatever 1Ls put in their generic torts outline plus an element of douchebaggery, which this Court has frequently recognized. See Student Body of UVa v. Thimpson Sacher, 697 U.Va. 100 (2017). The trial court was correct in determining that plaintiffs met all the elements for this cause of action, but erred in dismissing plaintiffs’ right to damages when enjoining future use of the D3 lot by the defendant.

The central facts are not in dispute; indeed the Court’s honorable Justices have been complaining about this on their GroupMe for weeks.4 Inconsiderate consistently parks his silver Honda Accord for his morning classes on the north side of the parking lot with his rear passenger-side tire over the line.5 After conducting a stakeout that lasted longer than the Court is proud to admit, I determined that Inconsiderate is not, in fact, chronically late but rather saunters in after purposefully parking his car in such a way. In the absence of an adequate excuse, Inconsiderate had a duty to park correctly and breached that duty with his douchebaggery, directly causing irritation of other students and damaging them by reserving a parking spot solely for one of his tires. Furthermore, the pompous disregard shown by defendant when he chose a spot close to the front of the parking lot means the trial court did not abuse its discretion by finding the defendant liable of douchebaggery and at fault by clear and convincing evidence.  

However, in the interest of fairness, a review of the procedural posture is warranted. Upon witnessing the intentional irritation tort, the Court considered all options and chose to rally the people to confront this hooligan. Unfortunately, all the students approached “had a lot of work to do” and were “really worried about the Court’s fixation on this issue.” So Justice Hopkin, in her individual capacity as a 2L, decided the best option was to commence a class action suit.6 The trial court, while certainly sympathetic, dismissed the damages portion of the case because it “isn’t that scared” of Justice Hopkin and, apparently, doesn’t take bribes.7 The Court of Petty Appeals granted certiorari to remedy this decision. It would have been a summary reversal,8 but the Court decided to take this chance to fully shame both the trial court and Inconsiderate per Professor Joseph Fore’s Treatise on Legal Methods and Rules (publication forthcoming). (“#Appellatetwitter”).

The Court has considered appropriate remedies for a similar issue in Ingles, et al. v. Parkers of Arlington Blvd. and City of Charlottesville, 251 U.Va. 900 (2017). (Plaintiffs “may bring a suit in our lower courts for money damages and injunctive relief . . . Learn to park.”) Therefore, damages are available. This Court, unwilling to trust the traitors in the lower courts, will determine the appropriate amount of damages without remanding. Since the defendant has continually used two parking spaces under the auspices of one parking pass, special compensatory damages are assessed at $576 (the price of an additional D3 parking pass).9 Additionally, plaintiffs have asked for $576 in pain and suffering damages as they feel a parking spot has been stolen from them. The Court is giving plaintiffs the full amount because the Court feels it is fair.10 

Furthermore, the element of douchebaggery lends the case to punitive damages. This is allowed under Davies v. Wednesday Keg,12 U.Va. 781 (2015) (“It doesn’t get much more petty than being punitive”) and Smith v. Wade, 461 U.S. 30 (1983) (Reckless indifference can support a finding of punitive damages without proof of malicious intent). Since the Supreme Court has determined that entering punitive damages higher than ten times the amount of compensatory damages violates the Constitution, plaintiffs request $11,520. See State Farm Mut. Auto. Ins. Co. v. Campbell, 538 U.S. 408 (2003) (“[F]ew awards exceeding a single-digit ratio between punitive and compensatory damages . . . will satisfy due process”). However, the Supreme Court’s perception of fairness and equity does not bind us. We have the inherent authority to decide for ourselves what is punitive and what is fair. Therefore, we approve punitive damages in the amount of $15,000. The Court takes this chance to restate one of its cardinal and timeless principles: Learn to park.

With regard to the prospective relief granted by the trial court, the Court thinks a mere award of damages doesn’t go far enough. This Court is charged with protecting law students from the continuation of tortious behavior, and we don’t take that responsibility lightly. The Court determined that enjoining D3 lot parking while leaving Blue lot parking available to the defendant would only protect a subclass of law students. Though not facially discriminatory towards financially responsible law students who choose to save money by schlepping a half mile, it would have a disparate impact by forcing only Blue lot parkers to endure his tortious behavior. We, therefore, enjoin Inconsiderate from parking in both the D3 and Blue lots. Inconsiderate has other options, including parking on Arlington Boulevard or Millmont Street taking other forms of transportation,11 or never traveling again.

As for Inconsiderate’s claim that Justice Hopkin should recuse herself from this case due to her passionate involvement, the Court refers to Rule of Petty Procedure 1: “We do what we want.” 

MANN, J. concurring. 

While Justice Hopkin nobly takes on the burden of being regarded as histrionic in her opinion, I fully share her outrage and applaud her restraint. Passion is not to be minimized as a source of judicial purpose, and certainly there is nothing that rouses the passions of competent motorists more than the errant parker. It is hard to describe the outright disregard for parallel lines that Inconsiderate has perpetrated, not to mention the subsequent inability of anyone to park alongside, or for that matter, down the continuing column of spaces. Such wanton recklessness12 of the repeated acts of crooked parking cannot be tolerated by this Court.

Though I agree with the court that the punishment fits the tort, Inconsiderate should thank his lucky stars to only be facing a fine of $15,000 and a parking lot ban. Had Justice Hopkin or I caught him in the act, he would be followed continuously by two bell-ringing banshees yelling “Shame!” Plus the other stuff.

GOLDMAN, C.J. concurs.

Honestly, if we didn’t let Justice Hopkin write this “unanimous” opinion, she would have quit the paper, and then we wouldn’t have anyone in charge of getting us pizza for our Monday editing meetings.13 Choices were made.

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knh3zd@virginia.edu

1 Because I don’t actually know his name. Since no one argued the appropriateness of public shaming, the Court saves that question for another day. 

2 I had Professor Bonnie for Crim, so I’m not clear on how the Model Penal Code factors into this, but I do know that Inconsiderate is insane. #FreeJoyBaker

3 See Abraham v. Hopkin Torts Final Exam, and companion case Abraham v. Hopkin Torts II Final Exam (“My understanding of why she signed up for another semester is on par with her understanding of basic torts concepts.”).

4 Mostly Justice Hopkin, but other Justices have responded with variations of “ruff stuff” and “Kim, really, you need to find a hobby.”

5 Like, wayyyy over the line. 

6 You would be surprised how easy it is to have students sign things in exchange for free food. Actually, you probably aren’t. We’ve seen liberals at Fed Soc events just for the Chick-fil-A.  

7 Justice Hopkin will be bringing this up in her PR class next semester for vindication. 

8 Because Professor Jeffries insists those are the most insulting.

9 University of Virginia Parking and Transportation, Parking and Transportation Service Rates: 2017/2018 Service Rates, http://www.virginia.edu/parking/information/rates.html#permits.

10 I think this is allowed. And if it’s not, it should be. 

11 This Court WILL protect bicycling commuter students if he chains his bike incorrectly. Just let CoPA know at editor@lawweekly.org. 

12 There can’t possibly be a soul stupid enough to park so badly with negligence alone. 

13 Which happen every Monday at 6 PM in SL279!

Spotlight 10/18/17

The Law Weekly reached out to affinity group leaders to write for us in a feature we are calling “Spotlight.” Our goal is to give leaders a regular platform to start conversations about issues they are facing, to reflect on the events of August 11th and 12th, and to educate the UVa Law community about their diverse experiences so that we can become better allies to our fellow classmates.   

If you or your organization would like to be featured, please reach out to us at editor@lawweekly.org

Kendall Burchard '19
(she/her/hers)
Vice President, Virginia Law Women

Jeannette Rankin, the first woman elected to a national office, began her tenure in the House of Representatives exactly one hundred years ago. Since then, 319 women have represented their states and districts in the House, Senate, or both.1 In our current Congress, 105 of the 535 members of Congress are women. Twenty-one serve in the Senate, and eighty-four serve in the House. Sixty-one women of color have served in Congress to date, and thirty-eight are serving in 2017. In high school, boys and girls report almost an equal interest in politics.2 Then in college, statistically, women’s political ambitions begin to fade.3 Years later, although most women are equally likely to have the same amount of relevant political experience in “feeder” careers as their male colleagues, only 57 percent of women feel qualified to run, as opposed to 73 percent of men.4

The equalizer? Encouragement. 

Women respond just as positively as men when encouraged to run for office. But they are less likely to receive this encouragement than their male counterparts, starting in college and extending far beyond.5 Allow me to make up for some lost time—YOU should run. And on Saturday, we’ll tell you how. 

Virginia Law Women is excited to partner with the Women in Policy at the Batten School of Public Policy, Women of Color, Feminist Legal Forum, Virginia Law Republicans, and Virginia Law Democrats to bring Running Start’s “Elect Her” to Caplin Pavilion on October 21 at 1 PM. Elect Her is a three-hour crash course in how to run for office and how to support those who run. Last spring, VLW and Women in Policy welcomed founder and CEO of Running Start Susannah Wellford ’98 back to the Law School to address barriers to women running for office. Wellford first asked how many in attendance had considered running for office. As hands began to go up, Wellford’s shock quickly gave way to excitement. “I’ve never had this happen,” she said. “I’ve never had so many women in a room admit they wanted to run. We’ve got a lot to talk about.” 

The discussion continues on Saturday. Wellford and her team have specifically tailored Elect Her’s curriculum to help an enthusiastic audience recognize opportunities to serve their communities in the future. After brief introductions, the day will include a crash course in networking, fundraising, and campaigning. After a campaign simulation, we’ll hear from a panel of those who have done it—Delegate Marcia Price, Commonwealth’s Attorney Shannon Taylor, Future Majority Project Director at the Republican State Leadership Committee Neri Martinez, and Delegate Lashrecse Aird will offer a first-hand account on what it’s like to run for office and what it means to serve the public. The panelists will focus on what it is like to run for office as a woman—not as a member of a particular political party. This a bipartisan event intended for everyone, regardless of political persuasion, sex, gender identity, race, ethnicity, religion, or other classification. 

When will there be enough women in Congress and in other elected offices? To borrow from Justice Ginsburg’s refined wisdom: “When I’m sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court] and I say, ‘When there are nine,’ people are shocked. But there’d been nine men, and nobody’s ever raised a question about that.”

You look like a politician, and we’d love to see you run. Get your name on the ballot. Join us on Saturday. 

Check in for Elect Her starts at 12:30 PM on Saturday, October 21 in Caplin Pavilion. Events begin sharply at 1 PM. Programming concludes at 4, with a wine and cheese reception to follow. Please see Facebook event or Law Street Journal to RSVP. 

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ktb4xe@virginia.edu

1 Center for American Women & Politics, Women in the U.S. Congress 2017, Rutgers (2017), http://www.cawp.rutgers.edu/women-us-congress-2017.

2 Janie Boschma, Why women don’t run for office, Politico (June 12, 2017 5:00 AM), http://www.politico.com/interactives/2017/women-rule-politics-graphic/

3 Id.

4 Id. 

5 Id.

 

Court of Petty Appeals: Anonymous (Whiny) 3L v. Court of Petty Appeals

The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is comprised of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to jmg3db@virginia.edu.

Anonymous (Whiny) 3L v. Court of Petty Appeals, and justices thereof, in their official capacity, but especially Chief Justice Goldman and Justice VanderMeulen

18 UVa. 642 (2017)

VANDERMEULEN, J., for the Court, in an opinion joined by GOLDMAN, C.J. and ZABLOCKI, J.

This case comes before this Court as part of our original jurisdiction1 from an anonymous, whiny 3L,2 seeking (1) damages against the Court of two opinions for our so-called failure to publish regular decisions or (2) an injunction requiring the Court to publish a best-of compilation of the Court’s best opinions.3 This Court won’t be intimidated by threats of damages4 but is intrigued by plaintiff’s request for equitable relief.

After a rambling, kidnapper-style introduction to her/his complaint, plaintiff gets to the heart of the matter: The Court, by failing to produce opinions in the two issues preceding plaintiff’s complaint has engaged in tortious behavior toward the plaintiff and breached an implied contract between the Court and the students of the Law School. Plaintiff is, to no one’s surprise, wrong on both fronts.

First, the Court will dispense with plaintiff’s spurious tort claim. As everyone knows, torts aren’t real.5 And if they were, plaintiff would find it impossible to show that all the elements of a tort have been met. Plaintiff claims he/she has been a victim of Intentional Affliction of Opinions Unread. Ha! Everyone knows that such a tort requires actual malice of the sort described in New York Times v. Sullivan, 367 U.S. 254 (1964)! To allege that this Court was malicious6—rather than merely lazy—in its refusal to pump out opinions is degrading and probably defamatory.7 Plaintiff’s complaint also lacks a showing of proximate cause. By now, even 1Ls will know that to give rise to a cause of action in tort, an injury must be part of the “harm within the risk” of an action. See That One Case with the Tree and the Truck and the Speeding Guy.8 When the Court declined to publish opinions in its editions of 20 September and 27 September, it did so knowing that it risked having too short a paper. That means the editors have to endure long nights suffering through Justice Jani’s abhorrent music taste. That is the harm within the risk of publishing too few opinions: covers of Disney songs sprinkled with an intolerable mix of Zac Brown and French Montana. The Court could not care less about the delicate feelings of Anonymous 3Ls, even loyal readers like this one.

Next, the contract claim. The Court’s memory of contract law is admittedly fuzzy,9 but it seems clear that the supposed implied contract is void for lack of consideration. The Court’s habit of publishing semi-regular opinions is a gift to the Law School and its denizens, like the benevolent brother-in-law’s promise of a forest shack to his dead brother’s wife in Kirksey v. Kirksey, 8 Ala. 131 (1845).10 Promises to make gifts, of course, are not enforceable as contracts. Despite plaintiff’s valiant efforts to portray her/himself as a victim of contractual malfeasance, no such claim will lie in this Court.

Still, we are not unsympathetic to plaintiff’s desire for decisions from this august body. How would the Law School function without this Court’s tireless dedication to adjudicating the disputes that arise on North Grounds? The Court, therefore, finds that the plaintiff has failed to state a claim upon which relief may be granted, and the case is hereby dismissed. But out of its own magnanimity, the Court will indeed indulge in a “Best of the Court of Petty Appeals” series, to begin the week of 2 November. Congrats, Anonymous 3L. 

MANN, J., concurring.

I concur with the majority, and agree that in no way has a tort claim been stated. By consuming this fine publication regularly, plaintiff has assumed the risk that the content might change from week to week, and that Justices11 may be occasionally too hungover to address the myriad issues that come before this court. Plaintiff’s claim of implied contract is straight out of crazy town as well, as no elements of a contract, implied or otherwise, exist. While this fine publication faithfully provides high-brow journalism, the drivel we get in return—mostly angry and misinformed emails – can hardly be construed as consideration. 

KENNEDY, J., sitting by designation, concurring in the judgment

I write to specifically rebut the plaintiff’s bizarre presumption that “the fact that [the Court] has or has not had Bodo’s this morning [should not] have an effect on its ruling.” I often find that certain Court pronouncements should take effect on Tuesday with the right to change them on Wednesday. It gives Justices the flexibility to condemn their enemies without making any real decisions. And that is real justice. 

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jmv5af@virginia.edu

1 See Rule of Petty Procedure 8(a): “If someone’s gonna bitch about the Court, we want to hear it directly.”

2 See Virginia Law Weekly, Volume 70, No. 6, 4 October 2017.

3 The Court won’t dignify with a response plaintiff’s request that President Glendon appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the Court’s lack of recent decisions. Really? Him? After he LIED TO THE LAW SCHOOL about Duck Donuts? #GlendonsDonuts2017 #NeverForget

4 As if we could write any more of these damn opinions even if we wanted to.

5 Isn’t this roughly your thesis, Professor Ferzan?

6 Yeah yeah, Professor Abraham, we know “actual malice” doesn’t mean “ill will.” Must you continue to remind the Court of its inferiority? Wasn’t our C in Torts II enough?

7 Probably, we say, because we can’t actually remember anything Professor White said about Times, Gertz, or defamation law generally. Something something “public figure.”

8 Remember that one?

9 And consists mainly of references to an impending Canadian invasion and lizard cemeteries. Thanks, Professor Kordana.

10 The Court reserves for another day the question of whether Kirksey’s “female plaintiff loses” rule applies to the Law School generally.

11 No coincidence that Justice Jani couldn’t be found to contribute to this opinion.

Lunch with Joby Ryan: The Original New Shiny Thing

Kim Hopkin '19
(she/her/hers)
Columns Editor

Photo courtesy of content.law.virginia.edu

Photo courtesy of content.law.virginia.edu

It’s hard to find a more enthusiastic believer in UVa Law than Joby Ryan, Development and Advancement Officer for the UVa Law School Foundation. Some Law Weekly Staff were lucky enough to catch up with Ryan over lunch and ask him about his time at the Law School, his litigation experience, and why he chose to come back to UVa Law.

Ryan loved his time as a student at UVa Law. He had always been drawn to UVa and almost came to UVa for undergrad like his sister did. Instead, he went to Harvard and earned his A.B. in Government. Ryan was considering staying in Boston for law school, but changed his mind during Admitted Students Weekend (ASW). “Everyone seemed to fit here,” he recalled. When he talked to prospective students at other law schools, they weren’t as excited to attend. His mind was set on UVa after asking students a simple question. “When I asked people [at the UVa ASW] where they would go if they could go anywhere, they said Virginia.” So, he decided to join his dad as a UVa Law graduate. 

Ryan certainly didn’t regret that choice. He described the learning opportunities at UVa Law as “an embarrassment of riches.” The class that best prepared him for the future was his Socratic-style 1L Contracts class taught by Professor Kraus, but his favorite was a course called “Biology and the Law.” It brought up new issues that Ryan had never fully considered before including parental rights over inseminated eggs. Ryan also took courses by Professors Coughlin, Ortiz, and (now Dean) Golubuff. His one regret? Although Ryan participated in a myriad of extracurricular at the school, he wishes he had participated in more law related activities. While some of us have experienced Ryan’s entertaining performances during the Libel professor rebuttal, his favorite UVa Law tradition is actually Feb Club. He said, “It’s something unique to UVa Law, and it’s about having fun together.” 

As his time at UVa Law came to an end, Ryan had to decide between the Atlanta and the D.C. firm markets. The Atlanta market seemed like a comfortable choice that Ryan would have enjoyed, but the D.C. market opened a sense of ambition within Ryan. Like gravity, the desire to really challenge himself pulled Ryan towards the D.C. market, and he joined Hogan Lovells in 2005. Ryan pushed himself to work hard during his years in private litigation, but he always felt isolated by the type of work lawyers do in actual practice. So, after his first year he joined the recruiting team and got the chance to get out of his office to talk to people. “It was the one thing I do well,” Ryan joked. Soon thereafter, the market crash changed the focus his recruitment. “It changed the entire paradigm of firm practice,” he explained, “because companies had to trim the fat, and legal bills were some of the first things to go.” Still, Ryan persisted and found new growth opportunities. 

About seven years into practice, Ryan was having a discussion with some of the partners at his firm about his career projection. While everyone at the firm was supportive of Ryan, the list of accomplishments he would have to achieve in the next eighteen months brought a sense of dread to Ryan. “They were doable, but my palms started sweating—I realized I didn’t want this,” he recalls. Serendipitously, a position at UVa Law Career Services opened up within two days of that wake-up call. Ryan had always wanted to come back to Charlottesville; this combined with the prospect of working with Kevin Donovan made the job undeniable. “It felt like that same sense of ambition when I decided to go to D.C.,” Ryan explained. “Getting to work on a team with that energy and commitment” was what drew Ryan back to UVa Law in 2013. “It’s the best team in the country,” Ryan says.

When asked what he thought his biggest accomplishment was, Ryan first joked about being the namesake for a goldfish before revealing his more personal triumph. “The relationship I built with students and helping them . . . [During OGI], we won more than we lost.” Ryan beamed when describing this. He did credit the fact that “UVa Law students are more three-dimensional, and inherently easier to market to firms” for his success. Ryan then transitioned to the Law School Foundation becoming a Development and Advancement Officer. Ryan describes his job as talking to alums and “encouraging their philanthropic endeavors.” Ever the investigative reporters, we asked if this meant fundraising. Laughing, he agreed that, yes, it involves fundraising, but it gives him the opportunity to fill alums in on what the Law School is doing now and why they should continue to be proud of their alma mater. He describes his job as “making friends and being a resource [for those friends.]” Overall, his job is essential to the Foundation, which is responsible for managing the Law School’s funds.  

Ryan asserted earnestly that the Law School community is what sets UVa apart. Speaking as a former Peer Advisor (PA), he urged current PAs to welcome and invite 1Ls, LLMs, and transfers to the community as gatekeepers of this tradition. “You start this [tradition] for the school each year,” he explained. For 1Ls, Ryan encouraged them to “dive in” and diversify their interests. While he thinks you should try as hard as you can in law school, Ryan also stressed the importance of not “doing it at the expense of your life.” As for his remarkable resemblance to a certain LRW Professor, Ryan laughs at all the times people would mistakenly call him the wrong name in the hallway. While he doesn’t take offense to the confusion, he joked that he would like the Law School to know that he “was the original new shiny thing.” 

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knh3zd@virginia.edu

Hot Bench: MacLane Taggart '19

(he/him/his)

1. Have you ever had a nickname? 

My name seems to lend itself well to nicknames, so I’ve had a plethora of them. Growing up my dad called me “Mac the Knife” (referencing the Bobby Darin classic) and my siblings called me “Clano” (no cool 1920s connection). In school, I garnered several other nicknames including “Mac Deluxe,” “Big Mac,” “Mac & Cheese,” and “Mac Attack.” I guess being a chubby kid leads to a lot of food tie-ins. Generally, most people call me by my full name or just simply “Mac.”

2. What is your favorite word? 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Ask me what it means to me.

3. Where did you grow up?

I grew up in East Millcreek, just outside of Salt Lake City, Utah.

4. What’s the best meal you’ve ever had? 

I lived in Brazil for a couple years on a service mission and when I was working in a rural area outside of Sao Paulo we often visited with a woman from Rio de Janeiro. In 2012, she made me the best birthday lunch I’ve ever had in 2012. It was steak with caramelized onions, French fries topped with feijao carioca (beans in the style of Rio de Janeiro), fried eggs, and a simple salad. My favorite meal to this day.

5. If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why? 

I have a big (verging on inappropriate) crush on Emma Watson. I would love to meet her in the hopes that she would instantly fall in love with me, and we would live happily ever after. I think she’s a great actress and am really impressed with how she has used her platform to fight for women’s rights. Pretty sure I would embarrass myself if I ever had the opportunity though.

6. If you owned a sports team, what/who would be the mascot?

 I am not very coordinated so although I love playing sports, I am fairly certain my team wouldn’t do very well. So, I’d pick something nerdy like an owl wearing glasses and a graduation cap that would go around encouraging kids to go to college or something.

7. If you had to pick one song to play non-stop in the background of your life, what would it be? 

California Gurls (feat. Snoop Dogg) – Katy Perry #westcoastbestcoast

8. If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?

I have always thought it would be cool to be telekinetic. But if we’re talking “Last Airbender” territory, I’m a total waterbender.

9. What’s something you wish you’d known about law school before coming to UVa Law? 

I come from a very blue collar family (my dad loads airplanes and my mom is a high school teacher) and am the first person in my family to pursue a professional degree, so I had zero exposure to law school or the field of law before coming to law school. During 1L, I always thought there was some big secret everybody else knew that I didn’t. I wish I had known that everyone is in the same boat for the most part.

10. What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?) 

Truth 1: I (disastrously) auditioned for American Idol in Oklahoma City during undergrad. Truth 2: I’ve eaten Domino’s pizza in New Delhi, India. Lie: I am a black belt in Tae Kwon Do (I’m really only a yellow belt with a green stripe).

11. If the Law School had yearbook awards, what would you want to win? 

Mr. Congeniality

 

 

Hot Bench: Wyatt Kozinski '18

Wyatt Kozinski '18
(he/him/his)

1. Have you ever had a nickname? 

Numey.  For some reason, my soccer coach thought that I looked like Alfred E. Neuman.  

2. What is your favorite word?  

Serendipity.

3. Where did you grow up?  

TBD.

4. What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?

I once had a delicious meal while travelling with my brother in Barcelona.  We were greeted with freshly poured cava, and before the napkins hit our laps, the food started coming.  After four or five courses of fresh seafood, a gentleman in coattails simply asked, “more?” We nodded until our stomachs hurt.  Those monosyllabic exchanges were the only interaction we had with anyone there.  

For a guy who hates talking to his barber, this was heaven.

5. If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why?

Norm MacDonald.  The man can turn a knock-knock joke into a shaggy dog story and vice-versa.  

6. If you owned a sports team, what/who would be the mascot? 

Gudetama.

7. If you had to pick one song to play non-stop in the background of your life, what would it be?  

As Slow as Possible by John Cage.  And I hope to hear the whole thing.

8. If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?

The power of love.  

9. What’s something you wish you’d known about law school before coming to UVA Law?

Professor Jeffries is the kindest man you’ll ever meet.

10. What did you have for breakfast this morning?

A plate of scrambled eggs and cheesy grits, y’all.  

11. What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?)

When I was in fourth grade, Steven Segal flipped me the bird.  I was part of a neo-funk duo called Sexual Factory.  I once bench pressed a baby gorilla at a party on a dare.

12. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

I would live in Florence, and it would be in Colorado.

13. What’s your least favorite sound? 

“Thank you for interviewing, we’ll be in touch.”

14. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

My striking good looks (see pic).

15. If the Law School had yearbook awards, what would you want to win? 

Most likely to interplead.

16. If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?

The BTC/USD conversion rate on Jan. 1, 2024.

17. Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC?

Next question.

18. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep and why?

Once stayed up for three days waiting excitedly in line for an *NSYNC concert.  

19. What’s your favorite thing to do in Charlottesville?

Walking Rivanna trail with a good friend.

20. If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

Be excellent to each other. 

 

Harvey and Irma: How You Can Help

 

On August 25, Hurricane Harvey made landfall in Rockport, Texas at peak intensity. In Rockport, entire blocks were leveled by the hurricane’s Category Four winds, measuring in at 132 miles per hour. The storm has resulted in eighty-one confirmed fatalities. Across the state of Texas, official aid workers and good Samaritans rescued over 13,000 individuals from the storm and its after-effects. The storm displaced another 30,000 people. Harvey inflicted serious structural damaged to over 48,700 homes throughout Texas, including completely destroying 1,000 residences. Nearly 700 businesses were damaged as well. The storm resulted in billions of dollars in estimated property damage.1

In addition to the storm’s devastating effects on the private well-being of Texas citizens, the consequences of Harvey threaten to stall the second-largest state economy in the United States. Risk Management Solutions analysts believe economic losses could run between 70 and 90 billion dollars.2 A majority of this loss stems from uninsured properties. The implications of storm recovery on Texas’ booming energy industry remain relatively unknown. The country’s most active oil refinery, Motiva, which typically produces 603,000 barrels of crude oil every day, has been shut down due to flooding and environmental concerns since the August 30. As much as thirty-one percent of the total American oil refining capacity has been either disrupted or severely limited since Harvey made landfall. The Houston area alone, known as the energy capital of the world, is capable of refining about 2.7 million barrels of crude oil a day, or fourteen percent of the nation’s capacity.3 Fuel shortages threaten to increase gas prices and decrease resource availability as displaced citizens return to the Houston area. The booming alternative energy industry, specifically in wind energy, is also certain to experience a stall in growth after Harvey.  As the people of Texas fight to return to normalcy, a great many organizations have stepped up to help with the relief efforts. 

Here at UVa, the Lone Star Lawyers are collecting donations for Texas relief efforts. All donations go to the Greater Houston Community Foundation and the Coastal Bend Food Bank in Corpus Christi, Texas. Venmo donations can be made to the group’s account at the username “@TxHoos.” For those hoping to provide more general forms of relief, Global Giving, the Center for Disaster Philanthropy, and the United Way of Greater Houston have launched Harvey relief funds for the thousands of people displaced or suffering from the effects of the hurricane. These general funds will disperse resources to immediately provide food, water, and shelter. The funds will then transition to fund more long-term recovery efforts, such as the redevelopment of residential and commercial areas. The Center for Disaster Philanthropy emphasizes investing “well rather than investing quickly” to address the greatest needs and gaps in funding that may yet emerge.4 Notably, Houston Texans star J.J. Watt has raised over $30 million for Houston relief efforts through “YouCaring,” a crowd-funding site. 

Less than two weeks after Hurricane Harvey devastated Texas and the parts of the Gulf Coast, Hurricane Irma did the same in the Caribbean and southwestern Florida. The storm leveled 90 percent of structures on the islands of Anguilla, Barbuda, and Antigua.5 For the first time in 300 years, there is no one currently living on Barbuda. The large-scale devastation on the U.S. Virgin Islands left more than twenty people dead and thousands of people without power, running water, and cell service. St. John resident Stephanie Stevens reported to NPR that those on the island need security: “We all survived this monster storm. But will we survive the aftermath?”6 On Monday, Hurricane Maria made landfall in the Caribbean threatening the already distressed region. With winds over 100 miles an hour, Maria threatens to displace even more Caribbean residents and damage structures fragilely standing after weathering Irma. Similarly to J.J. Watt, Tim Duncan has started a “YouCaring” account for his native Virgin Islands that is still actively accepted donations. 

The continental U.S. also suffered significant damage as a result of the hurricane. Southern Florida felt the brunt of the Category Four Irma as it made landfall. Nearly 6.5 million Florida residents across the state woke up to no electricity the week of September 11.7 The storm also left 10,000 Florida key residents homeless.8 Florida’s economy will experience substantial obstacles after Irma. Damage to Florida’s tropical fruit industry was dramatic with an anticipated 70 to 80 percent drop in crop yield. Recovery efforts in southern Florida will have to focus on both residential and commercial losses.

In response to the overwhelming destruction produced by these hurricanes, many organizations have joined the relief efforts. If you are currently a student looking to help with the hurricane relief efforts, there are several different methods to help those in need. As we’re all students and our surplus funds are often already allocated to G&Ts at Bilt, there is also the option to donate clothing and nonperishable food to affected communities. Students can get online and use GreenDrop, a charitable organization that will pick up clothing, shoes, household items, etc. at a scheduled time and location on behalf of the American Red Cross, the Military Order of the Purple Heart, or the Society of St. Vincent de Paul. All three organizations have pledged that current donations will go towards hurricane relief efforts. Scheduling a pick-up is extremely easy, so clean out your closets, and maybe your pantries too! The Salvation Army is accepting donations of food and water to provide to first responders, as well as coordinating massive feeding efforts for residents. Feeding Texas and many local food banks are also accepting food donations. 

Donations will be needed long into the future with thousands of evacuees still displaced from Texas, the southern regions of Florida, and the Caribbean islands. Clean water, food, and clothing will be critical in the resettlement process. Please consider donating money, food, or clothing to the hurricane relief efforts through any of the convenient and reliable organizations currently contributing to relief efforts.

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jpd5pd@virginia.edu

1 Holmes, Frank, “We Looked into the Effects of Hurricane Harvey and Here is What We Found,” Forbes, 09.05.17. 

2 Id.

3 Id.

4 Wamsley, Laurel, “Here’s How You Can Help People Affected by Harvey,” NPR, 08.2017. 

5 Wamsley, Laurel, “Here’s How You Can Help People Affected by Harvey,” NPR, 08.2017. 

6 Dwyer, Colin, “The Rubble and Recovery of the U.S. Virgin Islands: ‘Will We Survive the Aftermath?” NPR, 09.2017. 

7 Associated Press, “A Look at the Damage from Hurricane Irma in the Caribbean,” 09.2017. http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory/damage-hurricane-ir

8 Atkins, Katie, “10,000 People in the Keys Left Homeless by Hurricane Irma,” Miami Herald, 09.18.17. 

Hot Bench: Siarra Rogers '19

Siarra Rogers ‘19
(she/her/hers)

 

1.  Have you ever had a nickname? What?

I’ve never had one my self-esteem couldn’t handle. 

2.  What is your favorite word? 

Bananas /bəˈnanəs/ adjective outrageous, senseless or extremely silly “That is bananas.” 

3.  Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Clearwater, Florida. It’s a beach town outside of Tampa Bay. 

4.  What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?

Whatever I can find on the free food table (within reason, looking at you Panera Bagels). 

5.  If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why?

Jean Claude Van Damme. When I first saw Bloodspot I sat in front of the TV and didn’t take my eyes off the screen. It was the first and last time I haven’t talked through a movie. I like to imagine we would do some splits, kick some palm trees, and maybe get in a workout. 

6.  If you had to pick one song to play non-stop in the background of your life, what would it be?  

“American Girl” – Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. JK, you know I am talking John Mayer cover here. It’s an anthem. 

7.  If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?

The ability to always make myself the center of attention. 

8.  What’s something you wish you’d known about law school before coming to UVa?

How truly incredible the folks here are. Shout out to my friends!

9.  What did you have for breakfast this morning?

 Hashbrowns and Advil.

10.  What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?)

(1) Hulk Hogan lived in my neighborhood, (2) I have been in and won a professional eating contest, and (3) I wrestled in high school. Number two is a lie, the contest was not professional and I took second.  

11.  If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

I would live in Zion National Park. So, Utah. 

12.  What’s the best (or worst!) PG-rated pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

“Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?”

“Are you a casebook? Because I wanna study you all night.”

14.  If the Law School had yearbook awards, what would you want to win? 

Teacher’s Pet, gotta get those Letters of Rec.

15.  If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?

I’d like to know which of my classmates will be the president that appoints me to my judgeship. 

16.  Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC?

On advice of counsel, I would like to utilize my fifth amendment right against self-incrimination. 

18.  What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep and why?

I get eight hours a night, baby. 

19.  What’s your favorite thing to do in Charlottesville?

Going to Bilt three-to-five times a week. 

20.  If you could make one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

I would outlaw Pav construction during the school year. I understand they need to lay new tile on top of other tile, but the water saw has woken me up every day this week and, frankly, I am resentful. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spotlight 9/20/17

The Law Weekly reached out to affinity group leaders to write for us in a feature we are calling “Spotlight.” Our goal is to give leaders a regular platform to start conversations about issues they are facing, to reflect on the events of August 11th and 12th, and to educate the UVa Law community about their diverse experiences so that we can become better allies to our fellow classmates.   

If you or your organization would like to be featured, please reach out to us at editor@lawweekly.org

Wade Foster '19
(he/him/his)
Vice Chair of Programming, Lambda Alliance

Last weekend, Charlottesville hosted its annual Pride Festival, a time for the LGBTQ+ community to come together, to celebrate, to reflect, and to focus on the challenges still facing our community. Pride, even in Charlottesville, is a multi-day community celebration with events hosted by LGBTQ+ organizations, a festival downtown, and a parade. However, the first Pride wasn’t nearly so cheery or community oriented. The first Pride parade was organized in New York City to commemorate the police raid on the Stonewall Inn and subsequent riots that took place on June 28, 1969. The organizers of the first Pride parade intended it to build visibility and inform the public about the oppression faced by the LGBTQ+ community. Since the initial Pride parade in New York City, the LGBTQ+ community has gained more acceptance, and the focus of Pride has changed to reflect both that acceptance and the challenges still facing our community. Much like the changing tenor and focus of pride celebrations, Lambda has changed over the years to reflect the needs of its members and the challenges facing our community. 

The Gay and Lesbian Law Student Association (“GLLSA”) was the first organization at the law school formed for gay and lesbian students. Founded in 1984, GLLSA brought “gay students together for social, political, and educational activities.”1 Shortly after its founding, GLLSA began bringing speakers to the law school to discuss challenges faced by gay and lesbian students and hosted the first “Gay Awareness Week” in 1986. In the early days of GLLSA, the organization took an active role in educating the law school community about the AIDS crisis through a conference entitled “HIV and AIDS in Central Virginia: A Legal and Medical Perspective.” At the time, HIV and AIDS were viewed as an urban disease. Speakers at the conference brought the AIDS crisis home to rural Virginia by focusing on the effects of the AIDS crisis throughout Virginia. 

Today Lambda hosts multiple events focused on current issues facing the LGBTQ+ community. In the coming months, we plan to host a panel discussion in conjunction with Virginia Employment Labor Law Association (VELLA) on the Seventh Circuit’s decision that employment discrimination based on sexual orientation violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. We are also planning several events focused on transgender issues and freedom of religion as it impacts LGBTQ+ rights. 

Alumni of GLLSA recall the law school as a supportive environment that had a commitment to its lesbian and gay students. This is pretty incredible for the time, but not unexpected from the UVa Law community. One of the key aspects of supporting any minority population is getting to know those individuals and understanding what support looks like. GLLSA was originally founded to help educate the law school community about lesbian and gay issues. Today, Lambda continues to bring educational opportunities to the law school about challenges facing the LGBTQ+ community. 

Lambda is planning programming to help our allies understand how they can support LGBTQ+ individuals. As an LGBTQ+ person goes through the coming-out process, they reveal one of the most intimate parts of themselves. We want our allies to be able to support our LGBTQ+ students, both as they go through coming-out process and after they are out. It is important to understand that if an LGBTQ+ individual has entrusted you with this information it is your duty to keep it confidential. It is their decision to come out on their own schedule, not anyone else’s. 

Today, much like the early days of GLLSA, Lambda serves a social role for LGBTQ+ individuals to gather and be themselves. Alumni of GLLSA remember the organization as playing an important social function, giving them a “safe space” to let their hair down with people who had similar experiences. This remains a core mission of Lambda today. While the world is more supportive of the LGBTQ+ community than it was when GLLSA was founded, coming out can still be a scary process and it helps to have a readily identifiable community where you can open up and truly be yourself. 

GLLSA appears to have changed its name to Lambda Law Alliance sometime in the early 2000’s, the first reference to Lambda in the Law Weekly is in April 2001. The Greek lowercase λ (lambda) was chosen as the symbol for the Gay Activist Alliance in 1969. “The GAA literature explained that the lambda represented ‘a complete exchange of energy--that moment or span of time witness to absolute activity’ in the notation of chemistry and physics.”2 Since then lambda has been adopted broadly as a symbol of the LGBTQ+ community. 

The name change from GLLSA to Lambda reflected the increasing “exchange of energy” throughout the organization and the increasing diversity of the membership with students across the LGBTQ+ spectrum including transgender, gender non-conforming, queer, bisexual, and questioning students. It also reflects the changing mission of the organization and the changing state of LGBTQ+ rights in America. 

While Lambda continues much of the work GLLSA was founded to do, the mission has grown significantly, Lambda serves as an important career/networking conduit for its members and the legal community. Lambda also strives to be more inclusive of individuals with marginalized identities and aims to raise awareness beyond the walls of the law school.  

GLLSA alumni in the late 1980’s did not feel comfortable putting their association with the organization or anything relating to their sexual orientation on applications to law firms. So while they were out at the Law School (or at least to their peers in GLLSA), they went back into the closet when the job hunt began. Fortunately, the legal community today is much more accepting and encouraging of LGBTQ+ students. 

In the early days, GLLSA had 15–20 members, some of whom were allies. Today the UVa Law LGBTQ+ community has over fifty out individuals. This is a testament to the support of the law school community that more and more law students feel comfortable being themselves. 

Pride is a time to celebrate how far we have come and a time of reflection. Pride is also a time to focus anew on the challenges facing the LGBTQ+ community. While it is amazing how far we have come since GLLSA was founded, it is amazing how much work is left to do. Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers. Forty percent of transgender adults report attempting suicide.3 LGBTQ+ individuals can still be fired in many states just for being themselves. 

These are just a few of the challenges that Lambda will continue educating the law school community about. We are thankful for our straight allies here at the law school and in the broader community joining us to work on these issues. If you want to get involved please reach out, if you are questioning your sexuality or gender identity know that there are students here who will confidentially support you. 

*Special thanks to J. Goodwin Bland (’87) and Joe Baker (’87) for sharing their experiences as members of GLLSA for this article. 

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wcf3hy@virgina.edu

1 Glenn Jessee, GALLSA Outlines Gay Awareness Week, 38 Va. L. Weekly No. 19 (March 28, 1986); Law School Briefs, 36 Va. L. Weekly No. 13 (Feb. 3, 1984). 

2 http://www.glbtqarchive.com/ssh/gay_activists_alliance_S.pdf

3 http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/facts-about-suicide

 

Hot Bench: Jason Boyle '18

Jason Boyle ‘18 

(he/him/his)

1. Have you ever had a nickname? What?

JBo is what my teammates and coach from my college debate team call me.

2. What is your favorite word? 

Free.

3. Where did you grow up?

Pilesgrove Township in rural Salem County, New Jersey. Basically, the “garden” part of the Garden State.

4. What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?

The special rolls at Sushi Lounge in Morristown, New Jersey. I especially recommend the Hoboken Roll.

5.  If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why?

Patrick Stewart. He seems very approachable and I imagine he has a lot of wisdom about life and the world that he would be eager to share. And obviously, because Picard was the greatest captain of all.

6. If you owned a sports team, what/whom would be the mascot? 

My sports team would be the Jackalopes. The mascot would appear as a large jackrabbit with deer antlers. I probably wouldn’t attend any of the games, but I would wear the team shirt.

7.  If you had to pick one song to play non-stop in the background of your life, what would it be? 

Take It from Me, by KONGOS. The sole motivation behind my desire to learn how to play the accordion.

8.  If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?

I would love the power of flight more than anything. I would probably get stuck with something more mundane but practical, like the ability to locate buried potatoes with my mind.

9.  What’s something you wish you’d known about law school before coming to UVa?

While it is true that you don’t have to know what you want to do after graduation while in law school, knowing what you want to do, choosing classes and extracurriculars, and networking toward a specific area of law from day one can make a huge difference. The hiring process gives too little room to explore different areas and options while at law school.

10. What did you have for breakfast this morning?

Three scrambled eggs, wheat toast with hummus, and a bowl of plain yogurt with blueberries and granola. Big breakfast is key.

11.  What’s your most interesting two-truths-and-a-lie? (And what’s the lie?)

I skipped high school, I’ve run two marathons, and I have millions of views on YouTube. Unfortunately, the marathons are the lie.

12.  If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

At the top of Lookout Mountain, located in the foothills outside of Denver, Colorado. But Buffalo Bill Cody already called dibs and claimed it for his gravesite. 

13.  What’s the best (or worst!) PG-rated pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

“Tell me, how do you like your eggs in the morning?”

14.  What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

When I was very young, one of my older brothers gave me a package of modeling clay as a Christmas gift. I’ve loved sculpting clay ever since. I eventually went on to win Best in Show in the Home Economics category at the Salem County Fair for my sculptures.

15.  If the law school had yearbook awards, what would you want to win?

Most Time Spent Meditating at School.

16.  If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?    

Whether I’ll ever get the opportunity to travel into space. If I knew this was a possibility, I would work harder towards this goal.

17.  Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC?

*NSYNC. Easy. Hands down. No contest. Now excuse me while I go Google search these bands…

18.  What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep?

Thirty-six hours after pulling an all-nighter to pack and fly from Philadelphia to Melbourne, Australia. Planned to sleep on the plane. That was the same trip I learned that I can’t sleep on planes.

19.  What’s your favorite thing to do in Charlottesville?

Walk the downtown mall and stop in at the Draft Taproom.

20.  If you could make one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

Everyone would have to vote in federal elections. “No preference” would be an option on the ballot, but submitting something would be compulsory like it is in Australia.

 

Court of Petty Appeals: Student Body of UVa v. Thimpson Sacher

The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is comprised of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to jmg3db@virginia.edu.

Student Body of UVa1 v. Thimpson Sacher2 

27 U.Va. 203 (2017)

ZABLOCKI, J., delivered the opinion of a unanimous Court.

The case at bar comes to us on appeal from the United States District Court for the Western District of Virginia, which held this subject matter to be too highly specialized. This matter arises out of events which occurred last Thursday, September 7, during Bar Review and an otherwise generic Thursday night at Bilt. As the entire law school wearily acknowledges, the 2Ls are in the latter phases of OGI, which for many involves offers / offer dinners / accepting offers (note: WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE). Thimpson Sacher’s was among those offer dinners hosted in Charlottesville. In addition to free food and alcohol, the representatives of Thimpson Sacher plied attendee-offerees with baseball softball hats that from the front appear as ordinary UVa hats.3 This Court supports uninhibited displays of school spirit, no matter how dismally crushed those spirits may be upon game’s end or, you know, one quarter in. However, the backs of these hats were emblazoned with the true name of party “Thimpson Sacher” (see Exhibit 1). Subsequently, the Thimpson Sacher contingent picked up and headed over to the venerable establishment known as Bilt, where, in keeping with the high-falutin’ nature of the establishment, various offerees succumbed to the urge to dance on tables while wearing the afore-described caps.4 This gives rise to the two claims on which this Court now passes judgment.

Exhibit 1.

Exhibit 1.

First, the Student Body of UVa claims trademark infringement under the Lanham Act for unauthorized use of a “V” that is confusingly similar to the UVa logo in connection with promotion of Thimpson Sacher’s services of eliminating happiness from the lives of otherwise content young attorneys (“in the experience of those who have walked through that door, waited in the security line, taken the elevator up, walked through another door, successfully completed a maze of cubicles, and perched upon an uncomfortable chair at a cluttered desk in a shared office . . . Big Law’s true purpose is to make life misery for recent law school graduates, even in comparison to their law school experiences, the provision of legal services being merely incidental to this goal.5 And so this Court finds.” Georgetown University Law Center Graduates 2013-16 v. Big Law, 273 F. 3d. 123 (D.C. Cir. 2017)). The base elements of a trademark infringement action are satisfied by (1) holding of a valid mark, which, it’s an orange “V” and we’re in Charlottesville so not even disputed, (2) having priority (Tommy J., 1743-1826 vs. Thimpson Sacher, founded 188X . . . yeah, math checks out, also undisputed), and (3) likelihood of confusion. This latter element is the source of contention. The Student Body strenuously objects to Thimpson Sacher’s casual appropriation on basis of each likelihood of confusion (“We don’t want people thinking we’re with the miserables over there.”) and dilution (“Do you really not get it? School sucks but we still have a reputation for being happy-ish people.”).  

It is unclear from the reception invitation Thimpson Sacher emailed in answer to the Student Body’s complaint whether or not permission was obtained from the school administration prior to customizing and distributing said hats. It is possible that “V” Thimpson Sacher gave up before they started and intended this invitation as a conciliatory outreach, but it wasn’t taken as such and so this Court takes full notice. Regardless, the Student Body disputes the validity of any authorization that may have been given. Being composed largely of current/future employees of competing firms, the Student Body demands a say in the use of a logo that derives value from goodwill that exists because, well, the Student Body is so good, and also because each member thereof pays $60,000 annually for tuition, thereby sustaining the logo. This much being obvious to anyone with the logical capacity of J. Jani a Thanksgiving turkey,6 this Court notes that Thimpson Sacher is equally liable regardless of any attempt to obtain permission because willful ignorance is not a defense. See, something in 1L crim, may that class rot in hell eternally.7 Therefore, on this first claim, this Court finds Thimpson Sacher liable to the nth degree; damages TBD.

The second claim brought by the Student Body against Thimpson Sacher is for inciting douchebaggery among its offerees, who also happen to be members of the Student Body. Though the base elements are the same as those requisite to a claim of intentional infliction of emotional distress, incited douchebaggery is distinct from IIED in that the emotional distress is determined according to a reasonable person standard rather than the subjective experiences of the victim, whose proximity to the events occurring may be as distant as shared group affiliation. Additionally, the emotional distress suffered can be shame and embarrassment. The tort of inflicted douchebaggery extends from the tort of douchebaggery, in some jurisdictions known as hurt feelings.  UVA Law Class of 2022 v. UVA Law Faculty, xx __ xxx (TBD, 2018) (“This Court acknowledges even the iciest of special little snowflakes may suffer on the hot seat of professorial cold calls; truly extreme examples of such may result in liability for the tort known as douchebaggery. However, this Court warns that such liability could result in legend status for the professor and probs backfire against plaintiff-victim, so really, just do the reading—we’re not here to help.”). Regardless, inflicted douchebaggery typically involves pain and suffering (mental, emotional, or otherwise) of a group of three or more people.

The base elements of IIED corresponding to the base elements of incited douchebaggery are easily satisfied by this fact set. Defendant’s intent is clear from embroidery of “V” and its own name in garish orange and white thread; this conduct was outrageous in the extreme, given reasonable knowledge both the group constituting offerees—to get drunk and dance on tables—and of the group constituting non-offerees—the majority of whom are generally nice, not obnoxious folk who would be appalled by the conduct incited; there is enough distress that we have been forced to take judicial notice;8 and now the Student Body as a whole is suffering severe shame at being associated with the actors in the events of September 7. This Court comprising mostly reasonable individuals who are in no way biased by their membership in the Student Body, we do not hesitate in applying a reasonable-person standard and recoiling in horror at the douchebaggy behavior on display on Bilt’s tabletops last Thursday. Parading around your offers of Big Law jobs with full knowledge there are people nearby who neither know nor, more importantly, care to know about your success is the very definition of douchebaggery. While We hesitate to call classmates douchebags, these individuals are certainly guilty of the crime of douchebaggery and We are ashamed at sharing grounds with them.9

Having determined Thimpson Sacher’s liability on both counts, this Court now turns to the matter of damages. Compensatory damages being impossible to determine, this Court will solely award punitive damages, which it acknowledges will do little to assuage the Student Body but tough shit. It is henceforth decreed that should Thimpson Sacher dare to darken our doors during OGI 2018 and onwards, the firm’s representatives shall leave their hats behind and bring not only Bodo’s, but also donuts. And not just any donuts, DUCK DONUTS. Because what’s up with firms bringing bagels and no donuts??

---

amz2ez@virginia.edu

1 Excluding offerees and current/future employees of Thimpson Sacher.

2 A pseudonym to protect against sullying the name of a party not yet shown to bear liability against the wrath of Career Services, those godlike beings who make it rain for us in a way the inhabitants of Mount Olympus only ever aspired to.  See In Rem Noah’s Flood.

3 To which, hoo would object?

4 To those who didn’t . . . you have a defense; use it.

5 Congrats on hitting your target, we guess?

6 The logical ones realize it’s Thanksgiving and hide before they can be turned into Thanksgiving turkeys, DUH.

7 Hi Ferzan.

8 Given that we DGAF about all y’all’s bitching and moaning, this says a lot.  In fact, it says it all.

9 Unfortunately, charges have not been formally brought against these individuals, so we can only hope that shame at being the source of the Student Body’s shame is sufficient punishment.  And karma.  She’s a bitch, in case you haven’t heard.