Jacob Jones ‘21
Last Saturday, August 31, two opposite worlds collided. One side brought words and books and papers. The other side brought like, numbers and facts or whatever. Each side also brought a lot of spunk.
The concerts were located at Crozet pizza. Unlike the Biltmore, the usual stomping ground of rowdy law students, Crozet is smaller and feels pretty cramped. But it also gave people the opportunity to feel like they were truly partying by standing on tables, benches, and railings, so it all balances out in the end. For a place like Crozet that advertises itself as a Buddhist Biker Bar, I did not see anyone who was clearly either. But really, a Buddhist biker could be dressed like anything, so there could have been dozens of them and I would have had no clue.
The med school band was pretty rockin’, or at least I assume they were. “Med Zepplin” is not as clever of a name as either of the law school bands, but as law students we are blessed with a way with words so I can’t fault the med students for that. Had I been there for their performance, I assume they would have played hits like Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor Doctor), a certain Marvin Gaye song, and the latest Doctor Dr. Dre hit.
When I interviewed two very handsome med students to get their thoughts about the performance of the law school band onstage, Gunners, the students were less than generous with their review than their good looks would imply. This led to a classic tit-for-tat escalation, wherein I told them that I was just as qualified to be a doctor because I have watched Scrubs, and they said they were basically lawyers because they watched Suits. I replied using the same tactic I had used at first-year oral arguments: a discrete “nuh-uh.” Then I told them Dr. Pepper was more of a doctor than they were, and thus our interview ended precipitously. Other med students seemed to really enjoy the Gunners however. At the end of the day it’s really hard to tell the difference between a 1L, a med student, and an undergrad when its 12 a.m. at Crozet. The important thing is that everybody seemed to be having fun.
The night also presented an excellent opportunity for public-interest minded lawyers to mingle with future rich doctors. Those among us who plan on staying true to their law school personal statements when they said they wanted to “help people” and “save the orcas” had the chance to actually follow through on that without living on ramen noodles in a basement, by meeting an aforementioned future rich doctor. For those of you 1Ls who missed out on this opportunity, OGI has a way of creeping into your schedule. K-Don is just so persuasive.
A recent shakeup due to former 3Ls joining the real world has caused a reformation of the band formerly known as Gunners n’ Roses. While remaining equally as beautiful and thorny, the band has added a new singer, and the trumpet and jazz adds a new layer of jazziness and snazziness. While some of the hits they played remained the same, the new songs were well-chosen. The hard work the band must have put into rehearsing their new hits really shined through. Most importantly, there was a Shrek reference. The fastest way to make someone a fan of your band, or really anything, is to associate yourself with Shrek. After that, my love of the Gunners was anything but accidental.
Alas, towards the end, the jello shots had gotten to too many people and the crowd started to thin out before the performance was finished. But the spirit of the night will live on, and many more law school band performances will be had. Hopefully some of our talented 1Ls and LLMs will start one of their own!
 Even though Dre’s doctorate is probably in street law.
 A med student and a law student walk into a bar. Both fail the character and fitness portion of the exam.
 Corporations are just groups of people who have banded together to make lots of money, so you’d still technically be helping someone, right?
 Law school bands are like onions. They either make you cry, or you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
 Or what about cake? Everybody likes cake!
 Including our other talented law school band, Panic! At the District Court.
 Editor’s note: Please do not start ANOTHER law school band. There’s enough drama between these two already.