The first annual UVA Law pie-eating contest was five minutes and thirty-four seconds of flour, butter, baked apples, competition, regret, camaraderie, and greatness. At stake? Bragging rights, critical Lawlympics points, and a scarf.

Much to the surprise of 1Ls, this contest was no time-honored tradition. It was a new addition to the First Year Council’s Annual Fall Festival, this year taking place on October 28. Before the pie-eating contest got underway, Scott Commons was alive with students and families (including youngsters in Halloween costumes) enjoying Halloween candy in tiny packaging, pumpkin painting, a raffle, and the idea of the fall air.

At the helm of the first annual pie-eating contest was James Davis ’28 of the First Year Council and Commissioner of the Pie-Eating Contest. “They gave me an inch, and I took a mile,” said Davis of his title. From his seat at the helm of the competition, Davis offered his view as to what qualities make a solid competitor in the world of eating competitions: “heart, grit, determination—everything that makes a good UVA Law student.”

Early polling indicated that the playing field was evenly matched (or, alternatively, that voters were highly biased). Nonetheless, some frontrunners emerged.

An early leader in the polling was Section C’s Tanner Noronha-Weeks ’28, pulling 28.6% of the vote. When asked about his strategy going into the competition, Noronha said, “I don’t think I’m going to win. I just signed up because I want free pie.” Noronha’s intention to put his competitors at ease with this faux display of humility fooled not one of his peers. Six days prior, in response to FYC’s announcement of competition on October 22nd at 11:22 a.m., Noronha responded in a message to 440 of his peers: “Pie eating contest? Y’all are so cooked.” It was too late to escape the shadow of expectation.

While the polls told one story, the whisper network told another. Perhaps due to their competitive dominance on the softball field, or perhaps due to their generally winning personalities, there is an expectation that the LLMs will dominate everything they do, and Lawlympics is no exception. Gjorgi Naumoski ’26 was a favorite of many in the crowd.

Another frontrunner in the polls was Emma Case ’28, the only woman competing. Case had, and deservedly so, a group of dedicated and ardent supporters focused on her throughout the competition.

Proving to be the right person for his self-appointed title, Davis drummed up anticipation over the preceding days such that fifteen minutes before the competition was set to begin, waves of law students flocked from the library to ScoCo. Even those who had missed the advertisements due to their very adult choice to mute the GroupMe couldn’t resist the call of “The Final Countdown” echoing down the halls of Walter-Brown.

Fifty law students crowded into the ScoCo dining room. People stood on chairs to get a clear view of the action. With an ever-changing lineup of competitors listed in the GroupMe (skeptics will say it was rigged), the bets were shifting to the end, until it was thrown out of the window altogether with some last-minute replacements to shake things up.

A long row of tables was set along the window wall. The sun had set; the pies were placed. Thirteen nine-inch apple pies were lined up and down the table, a bottle of water next to each.

The only rule: No hands allowed. If you thought this pie-eating contest was just a timed-but-still-respectable dining experience, you must have thought you were at a different law school.

The crowd stood so near to the tables—within thirty-six inches of the pies, as if we were planning to rush the field at the buzzer—that we were all at risk of an errant expulsion of pie. Nothing drove that risk home more than when, thirty seconds before the competition began, members of the FYC brought trash cans close to the competitors. An ominous omen of what could come to pass.

With the music blasting, Davis gave the countdown, “three, two, one . . . Eat!” And the eating was on.

An exhilarating burst of energy got each competitor off to a strong first minute. Early on, there was no way to tell who was pulling ahead. It only took most competitors a couple of bites for the reality of their decisions up until that moment to set in. The only way to get through nine inches of apple goo was a disciplined hydration effort. As they soldiered on, a few competitors slowed down—not for a lack of heart, but for the literal need to prevent choking.

At the ninety-second mark, Andrew Pierce ’28 and Zan Haq ’28, sat next to each other, made eye contact while hunched over their tin trays. Those who looked upon them in that moment saw the subtle shaking of heads, the moment of deep regret.

The crowd’s cheering never waned, even as the first song, “The Final Countdown,” transitioned to “No Hands” by Waka Flocka Flame. Ironically, at that moment, two minutes and forty-five seconds in, Davis announced, “HANDS HANDS HANDS!” The competitors began to use their hands as pie shovels. But whatever competitive advantage this may have provided, it came too late.

In a sudden triumphant burst, Abraham Moss ’28 stood from his seat, thrusting a licked-clean silver tray into the air, to a round of hoops and hollers from the crowd. Moss finished that pie in three minutes and twenty seconds. Moss, like Noronha, was also representing Section C (skeptics throw their hands up in despair). This was the outcome many predicted, but by way of the dark horse we didn’t see coming (because he was not on the ballot). Section C dominated after all.

At this point, weaker men might have thrown in the towel, with which they were not provided, but not a single competitor stopped eating their pie. In second place, and proving that the faith in him was not misplaced, was Naumoski for the LLMs, with a time of four minutes and forty-one seconds. In third, Brian Pak ’26, at five minutes and thirty-four seconds.

A surprising, spontaneous, and glorious break from the fall semester, this was a new tradition born of the FYC’s creativity, and one that we hope to see stick.

After his big win, Moss spoke to his strategic hydration methods, which he started implementing earlier in the day, before many even knew he was competing. He humbly paid homage to Joey Chestnut, and his truly dominant performance deserves such a comparison.

When asked why people should participate in next year’s pie-eating competition, Moss gave a winning smile and a winning answer: “Glory.”

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Alexis Pudvan ’28

nrt9un@virginia.edu

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