The ANG Society
Each year,1 the ANG Society recognizes one outstanding member of the University’s
student body who has positively impacted the faculty and student body’s ability to keep a firm grasp on Things Worthy of Comment during their time at the University. But mostly, the award exists as an excuse for ANG to periodically remind you that ANG exists and that you still don’t know what “ANG” means but are resigned to its unexplained and enigmatic presence2 in Law School society.3 This award is intended to be a bacon4 of success and one which is given to individuals who have inspired the all-powerful ANG spirit of this University. The Distinguished Snark Award is given to those who serve as role models, confidants, and leaders, but especially to those who make appropriate use of both side-eye and the library standing desks.
ANG embraces the diversity of responsibilities and demands on our student body—ANG understands that there are theoretically such things as “cite checks,” “outlining,” and “doing the reading,” and that if you don’t Instagram from a vineyard every weekend, the weekend may well not have happened and the universe will be thrown into an unsustainable multiverse—and we encourage nominations from all of the three hallways, sections, and extracurricular activities.5 To aid you in identifying and recognizing a fellow soulless human you know, the list below may guide you. Qualities of potential winners of this award include, but are not limited to, the following:
Engaged,6 supportive,7 and curious8
Exceptional contributions to the school and Charlottesville community at large, including but not limited to appropriate holding of the door in the snack line and never openly watching Netflix in the library
Shows no interest in discussing outlines outside of classroom
Please submit a letter of nomination for an exceptional member of the University
of Virginia’s student body who has been incredibly influential to students and members of the faculty during his or her or their or xir time here. ANG will probably not read them, but ANG has been banned from the copy center for hoarding tootsie rolls and needs material for the paper snowflake chains ANG plans to make during Corporations. Your contribution is greatly appreciated.
These nominations should be emailed to email@example.com by Shmonday,
December 70th at 11:81pm, but may alternatively be submitted in hardcopy to any student mailbox.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
1 Starting with this year.
2 Have you, like, seen our tag on various historic buildings around Thomas Jefferson’s University? No? Oh, wait YES that’s right: vandalism is a crime.
3 Society. n. See also collegiality.
4 Literally, the award is bacon. Bacons are better than beacons. Bacons, beacons, Battlestar Galactica. Also, what are we, 18th century England? Nobody uses beacons anymore, buad. We just post statuses to Facebook and then hyperventilate in private because welcome to 2017.
5 Except NGSL.
6 … in avoiding eye contact with professors outside of class. If you don’t see them, they don’t see you, right?
7 … of snack consumption. ANG needs company on the ever-shorteninga road to major health problems, and ten Snickers a day is the way it’s happening.
8 … about 1Ls who spend hours in the library having outside voice conversations about—seriously, of ALL things —clerkships and VLBS events. ANG wonders if you could not.