Congratulations to Diana Wielocha ’10 on her engagement to Jonathan Lasken ’08.

Congratulations to Thomas Gray ’10 on his engagement to Stacy LeJeune.

Thumbs up to the alum who proposed marriage during a staged Virginia Innocence Project clinic event. What cruel irony that they would choose this method of sentencing themselves to life imprisonment.

On that note, thumbs down to U.Va. Magazine’s cover story, “Five Tips for Marital Bliss.” If you’re looking for relationship advice from U.Va. Magazine, your marriage is beyond saving.

Thumbs up to Career Services’ continuing to place students in jobs, even if there’s not much left. ANG will be splitting the summer between in-house counsel at a Wyoming wind farm and a Vermont firm specializing in syrup law, but, hey, it’s something.

Thumbs down to spelling Lillian BeVier’s name wrong multiple times on an e-mail to the entire student body about her retirement. Shame on you, Kris Marten.

Thumbs up to the “Back Room,” a new graduate and professional space on grounds, where women take their clothes off and dance for money.

Thumbs up to the A Cappellate Opinions concert. To mark the beginning of the finals studying period, the group will sing everything in B-sharp.

Thumbs up to Student-Alumni Summer Events. This year, instead of inviting students to attend the events, alumni will hire them as caterers.

Thumbs up to the Spies Garden fountain being restocked with fish. Along with the SBA keg, it seems like the U.Va. Rod & Gun Club has their Thursday evenings set.

A. Simmons: When we need some more money, we just sell a little bit more of the country to the Chinese.

P. Low: I look forward to… well, I’m not really looking forward to reading your papers. But I’ll read them regardless.

Student: Taxation without representation is one reason we left Britain.

S. Lawsky: And why I left Washington.

K. Kordana: The Delaware Supreme Court doesn’t say, “Oh, it’s Halloween. I have to give out apples and razor blades to the children of Delaware.” They trudge into court and hear the arguments and debate the case all night and reach a consensus.

J. Harrison: Do they still have the sort of motel that has Magic Fingers, and is anyone prepared to go with me there?

D. Brown: The Internet has really changed the pornography industry, allowing it greater — I was going to say “market penetration,” but that may not be appropriate to use with porn — market size. Because we all know size matters with porn.

J. Harrison: The great thing about playing chicken is that it’s a game both players can win.

G. Yin: How do people get marijuana today? You tell me.

S. Lawsky: Answering this will not cement your loserdom any more than it already is.

A. Simmons: Pirates have a long history of doing quite well with only one eye. Piracy is the career of choice for one-eyed people.

S. Lawsky: Now there is no work, so people probably just drink all day.

E. Yale: With this iPhone application, I get to carry the Code around in my pocket without breaking my back. I even got the Treasury Regulations. They cost $20, and I thought that was kind of steep, but how much was your book?

Student: Do you agree with what you said last week?

S. Lawsky: Probably not.

Z. Stauffer: If you missed my class yesterday, then you think I’m swearing gratuitously.