Clubs Transition Leadership to State Department Security as Student Apathy Grows

All around North Grounds, apathy is king. After a grueling spring semester filled with firm recruiting, accelerated journal tryouts, and the typical generous class-load, the 1Ls are burnt out.  

“I really don’t want to take on any more commitments,” opined Spurt McKelvey ’28. “Sure, I would love to be treasurer of the Health Law Association, but now that I’ve got my job, and it’s at a firm that really doesn’t even care about my health, I don’t see the point.” McKelvey is not alone. Many students are protecting their peace—and their grades—by just opting out of the CIO circuit.  

Some clubs are responding with creative measures. For instance, UVA Law’s National Security Law Forum recently appointed U.S. Department of State Security personnel Chet Winger as its President. “We basically had no choice,” said Bryan Wojlecki ’27, outgoing President. “Nobody wanted the job.” 

Wojlecki explained they found Winger disguised as a student, wearing a backpack and an earpiece, loading up Roots chicken and beans into a disposable Panera coffee cup at the free food table. “If he walks like a student and quacks like a student, it’s basically the same thing. We don’t exactly know why he’s here, but he was happy to step up to take on the responsibility, and he was certainly the most qualified candidate.” Winger provided no comment. The Law Weekly caught up with him sitting on a bench outside a W.B. classroom, playing Clash Royale. He politely but firmly asked this reporter to leave him alone. 

Other non-students appointed to club executive positions include Miss Mandy, new secretary of VELLA; Judge Kurt D. Englehardt of the Fifth Circuit, now the communications chair of the Rod and Gun Club; and Claude Convissier, the itinerant UVA Law graduate and mainstay at the Law Library’s computer terminals—who will be the incoming Design & Technology Editor on VJIL.  

Students couldn’t be happier. “Honestly, I don’t really care if my club lives or dies,” said Brynn Peltz ’28. “I know the question is not ‘What can my law school do for me?’ but ‘What can I do for my law school?’ But I mean, what has my law school done for me, besides teach me most things I know about law, provide a social space, and give me a job?”  

Their objections are not totally without merit. Clubs that are considered “fun” seem to have more leadership interest than others, and further still, students are inclined to fill their time with other “fun” activities such as Reddit, sports, and drinking, rather than doing more work outside of class (or indeed, any work at all). 

Still, the clubs will live on through the involvement of non-students. “I really just needed something to boost my resume,” said Englehardt, a 2017 Trump appointee. “I don’t want to give anything away, but I have my fingers crossed on a career move up the ladder, and I think ‘rod and gun’ leadership is really going to get my name on the right desk.”  

Currently, Student Bar Association races remain uncontested. The sole candidate for DEI Chair is a White Castle slider from the new ScoCo vending machine.