Greg Ranzini (he/him/his) '18
Dandelion made a damp and dreary return to its traditional Friday timeslot this past week.
It may have been a surprise to some that the event went off at all in the half-flooded Park, as NGSL’s alcohol permit did not allow for a rain-out location. However, a clever change to the traffic pattern around the wristband checkpoint and a fortuitous break in the weather allowed for a wilted Dandelion to proceed.
In keeping with our ancient traditions, the Law Weekly submits the following roast:
Section A, named “Accidentally in Law” kicked off the event. After several false starts, however, it became apparent that they had taken “skit” far too literally, given that their dialogue was inaudible. The Shrek theme didn’t really help. Cute dog, though.
Section B followed, corrupting their section softball team (“Bad News Barristers,” get it?) into “Bad News Bear Suits” before transitioning into a left-field dig at Chris Christie’s recent beach closure scandal. With only two costumes for thirty section members, it seems sadly probable that they will return to their usual attire by the time the playoffs roll around.
Section C’s theme was, in a word, “indeCipherable.” “I Can’t Wait to ‘C’ You Again” suggested an audience member next to me; other possibilities include “unClear” and “Confused.” Whatever the case, switching to Fountains of Wayne did not avail them. “Drag, but not even committed drag,” opined another 3L nearby.
Section D went for “Do It for the (J)D,” although I have it on good authority that they were originally thinking about “Darden” before they chickened out. Even so, this was probably the best of the day, thanks to crisp choreography, solid costuming, and enthusiastic stripping.
Section E was solidly competent with “Part-E Bus Karaok-E,” a medley of 80s power ballads. Good commitment to the theme, if not particularly funny.
Section F confused us all by holding up a book labeled “Swag Statute.” Could it be that they really don’t know how to spell their section name? They do know how to dance, at least, even if their choice of “Safety Dance” deepened the mystery—as did their decision to shout “The F is for Phenomenal” at the end.
Section G’s participation seemed to be in doubt. They began with one of the longest pauses in recent memory (Sadly, not the first nor the last of the day). After several minutes, a man with a pool noodle duct-taped to his shoulders and a plastic dinosaur claw down his sleeve screamed something unintelligible into a mic, indicating that... something was happening, at least. To their credit, they did gamely attempt to continue their skit under a half-hearted rain of discarded Solo cups. I’m still not entirely sure what their theme was, but considering they had the leather jacket already, they might have been better served to just go with “JumpinG the Shark” and own it.
Section I continued the trend of taking a full three minutes to set up, although their acrobatic “I” might legitimately have taken some coordination. Their theme, “What 1Ls Expect,” proved more surprising. Apparently 1Ls expect purse snatchers to be camp stereotypes. A proper attempt at dancing prompted loud and vaguely wistful cheers.
Section J took even longer to begin. Channeling Shia LaBoeuf and shouting “Section JUST DO IT” at them had no effect. “Justice League / Soulja Boy” might have been a clever theme, but the dog they dressed in a cape looked positively terrified. “Justice League” on the trash bag capes matched well with “Superman that ho,” I guess. The judges disagreed: “Team is disqualified for animal cruelty. That poor beagle.”
The LLMs declined to participate, having seemingly concluded that America is beyond parody this year.
First place: Section D. They looked horrified to learn of the “prize.”
Second place: Section I.
The Law Weekly’s verdict:
Section D, followed by Section I. Well done, NGSL!