Illustrating the 1L Experience Through Horror Movie Clichés
The further I’ve gotten into 1L, the more situations I’ve discovered that feel strikingly similar to the most notorious, frightening, and borderline distasteful horror movie clichés. So, in light of Halloween rapidly approaching and my affinity for ranting in a mildly morbid but also deeply accurate fashion, I’ve compiled some of my favorite horror plot atrocities to illustrate my 1L experience thus far.
“We should split up”: The Bar Review emails
Nobody wants people to split up—with their long-distance partner—more than the Bar Czars. I respect the commitment to the bit, but if we were in a horror movie, they would definitely be responsible for getting all of us picked off.
The final girl trope: Succumbing to recruiting madness
Everyone slowly disappearing from lunch, softball games, and Bar Review as we slip into networking psychosis has got me feeling like I’m in the final act of Scream. But on the bright side, unlike Sidney Prescott, at least we’ll finish with trauma and a job.
Falling while running away from the killer: Someone catching your pop fly
There’s no closer equivalent to a mouthful of grass while running from a speedwalking killer than hearing your section’s cheers turn to an awkward “Oooh. . .” as a fielder effortlessly snatches your hit.
Creepy child saying creepy things: People asking questions in crim law
The immense detail with which some of you spew criminal “hypotheticals” scares me. What have you done? What do you plan to do?
“He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”: Realizing it’s time to start outlining
A quick word of advice: Don’t ever sneak a peek at someone else’s Google Calendar because they’re probably being much more productive than you are.
The most obvious suspect is never the killer: Cold calls
People always worry about cold calls. It’s the poster child of law school anxieties. Meanwhile, the real killer is lurking in the shadows: the uncanny parallels of 1L and high school. Lockers, parties, cliques—I just need my braces back, and I’ll be perfectly aligned with all my teenage fears.
“Based on true events”: 1L rants on Reddit
Horror movies tend to atrociously stretch the statement “based on true events,” and I’ve found the same sentiment in any post on Reddit concerning the 1L experience. If you’re ever looking for a good scare, I’d highly recommend scrolling through some of them.
In fact, I’d like to leave you with my personal favorite 1L Redditor quote:
“im actually so terrified I am not in a good spot right now I am working so hard now but man did i procrasinate rip am i really screwed” — @Working-Pin-9856
Author: Kelsey Bohn ’29, wxp6yb@virginia.edu